A Splintered Mind

Finding moments of beauty can help alleviate stress and depression. Sometimes all I need to feel right is a moment’s peace with a beautiful sunset. Anxieties fade, and my spirit is lifted. That ephemeral moment of beauty has so much power for me. I wonder at the richly saturated colors spreading across the sky as twilight casts shadows over the color of the world below. Some may claim sunsets are trite, but I do not find them so. I have trained myself to use them as cleansing moments. It is as if I have pressed pause on my day. I focus on something outside of myself. At that instant, the sunset becomes a grand, positive moment in my life in contrast to an otherwise stressful day. Truthfully, I am usually too distracted by the setting splendor to ruminate. Here, ADHD is a perfect coping strategy for depression. An important aspect of sunsets is that you can’t plan on them. Most are unremarkable. However, when conditions are right, and if I notice the splash of color in the corne...

Just a few thoughts before my day takes me away. The other day, I thought I’d celebrate St. Patty’s Day with The Cranberries. Dolores O’Riordan has been on my mind lately, and her voice was just the Irish taste I was looking for. However, I couldn’t listen to her voice and not remember what had recently happened to her. We won’t know officially how or why she died until next month. In the meantime, rumors swirl from police at the scene of fentanyl and suicide. People pay a heavy price for addiction. Dolores struggled with depression, suicide, and addiction for years, then paid with her life. She sang in 1996 about the dangers of allowing drugs and external forces to have control over our lives, but it seems that years later she still hadn’t gained control. I suddenly felt very sad for her. This brought an end to listening to The Cranberries. The pain was too recent and personal. I experienced suicidal ideation early last week. It was the fir...

When humor is a coping strategy for mental health, sometimes people miss the joke. Are some subjects simply not funny? Alright. I keep miscounting. Today is Day 22 of my dance with Adenovirus. I checked it with the calendar. Thrice. Last week I announced on social media that I had been sick for 20 days, not 26, but both counts were wrong. I had announced the 11th day correctly. How I thought last week that I was sick for a month when it had been only two weeks…well, there’s no explanation for it. I was sick. I’m still sick. This bug will never end. If you think I’m exaggerating, the doctor cheerfully explained the other day that some people get this virus for six weeks. He had the bedside manner of a grumpy cat. I seem to recall him hissing at me, too, but my memory hasn’t been at its best lately. If two weeks felt like a month with this thing, I can’t wait to hit week six. It will probably sound a bit like this: Today is Day 989. I’m losing all hope. I thought I was well yest...