ADHD: Getting Your Point Across in 30 Seconds or What Were We Talking About Again?
Before launching into this week's column I wanted to follow up a bit on last week's column where I faced my fears of incapacitation and took a ride in an MRI. Well, the results are in and it doesn't look good. The doctor says that my brain is normal. I'm not sure how to feel about that. On one hand, I went through all that for nothing and we're still not any closer to understanding my disability. On the other hand, I'm normal which means I'm trading the book club for a golf club and buying a SUV. I'd almost rather go into the machine again. While I wrangle with my newfound normalness, I thought I'd explore an AD/HD problem near and dear to my heart: The ADHDer's inability to get to the point when speaking.
Of all the adorable eccentricities born of my AD/HD brain, I believe the one trait that is guaranteed to cause seething hatred in my fellow man is my inability to get to the point. Oh, I start out towards the point, but somehow the point becomes accented with various anecdotal but insightful comments, garnished with unrelated topics I must bring up before I forget, and sprinkled with a heavy dose of absentmindedness. If my listener is lucky I might resummarize for them a few times just to keep me on track, at which point they get itchy for one of my new golf clubs.
All it takes is a few phone calls and I can make enemies for life. Forgiving and laid back people usually just gently remind me what the point is or beg me to get there sometime before the cows come home. The Unforgiving ones, however, decide I must be deliberately trying to torture them so they set out to get even. Tired of all the hitmen sent after me, I decided to make some drastic changes.
A few years ago I was looking up How to Make Friends with 90 Bucks or Less
and came across How to Get your Point Across in 30 Seconds or Less. Sounded perfect at first, but it's sales centric approach seemed ill fitted for my needs. One problem with 30 Seconds was that it relied too much on insider information. Somehow I was supposed to find out that the random HR guy interviewing me dug country music, liked braggarts, and was way into Furbies. Then I needed to figure out a pithy way to work that into the conversation. "Hello. My name is Douglas Cootey. Nice to meet you. I'm the art director you've been dreaming of. Yes. I'm that good. I have more talent in my left boot than you can shake a Furbie at, and I'm a whole heckuvva lot cuter too. Yeehaw! Now, where's my desk?"
With a little adaptation, however, I developed a system that has helped me cut down on attempts on my life. People even like it when I call now. I boiled the book down into three basic points I keep in mind before making a call or start a meeting.
• Decide what your point is before making your point.
I know, really radical advise here. But how often have you hung up after a twenty minute phone call and realized you forgot to discuss the main reason for calling? I don't sweat this much when calling friends, but for business I always jot down the main points I want to make on paper or PDA. Otherwise, I can plan on disaster.
• Know your audience
Not everybody is forgiving of absentmindedness. And some people are downright selfish. You know the types - nobody's time is more important than their own? I try not to do business with people like that, but when I can't avoid it I try to be especially terse. People who like me may enjoy the odd ramblings of my mind, but not these guys. They don't have the patience for it and will hold and use my ramblings and verbal flubs against me. Besides, it's only considerate to utilize an economy of words. Ramble with friends; keep it basic for business.
• Don't Forget to Get to the Point
Long before your audience's eyes begin to glaze over, you need to remember the main points of the discussion. Make your points, ask for what you need, listen to the feedback, and then you're done. Following this method felt awkward for me at first, leaving me with the feeling that there was something left unsaid, but I soon realized that was just the AD/HD misfiring.
Call me silly, but having the ability to talk for an hour about everything but what I meant to discuss isn't a very useful attribute to me. It irritates most people, in fact. Over the years I've known some people to avoid my calls because they didn't like talking on the phone as much as I did. You'll just have to forgive me if I see that as a bad thing. However, all is not gloomy. Although keeping these points in mind has not repaired past relationships with the Unforgiving ones, it has helped me not repeat past mistakes. Considering how many assassins were employed over the years to take me out, this is a vast improvement.
tags technorati : ADD, ADHD, AD/HD, Assassins, Disability, MRI
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But I like your idea better.
Now I need to know: how do you resist the compulsion to constantly interrupt because the person has just said something that reminded you of something, ESPECIALLY if it is practically unrelated in all other ways to what you are actually discussing?
I'm glad you're okay....although I wouldn't exactly say "normal."
So I'm not normal, huh? Should I cancel my membership at the greens?
~Douglas
Dimensions of picture thinkers
In psychology, picture thinking is often confused with dyslexia, and it is true that people who 'think in pictures' often have difficulty with learning to read, but not all picture thinkers suffer from the normal symptoms associated with dyslexia. Some autistics think in pictures.
Symptoms that most picture thinkers do share are:
* Problems remembering abstract chains of letters, like names.
* Difficulty in explaining concepts they have invented.
* Writing in a very convoluted style.
* Natural ability to 'quick read' whole sentences instead of word for word, but when asked to read out loud what they have read they often use other words than what is actually written.
* Ability to remember exactly the location and relative position of objects they have placed somewhere.
* Ability to intuitively come to conclusions that are very hard to reach by using normal linear reasoning.
my synaesthesia
~Douglas
I also jump to intuitive conclusions, usually right, but then have a hard time explaining how I came to that conclusion which undermines people's faith in my conclusion. Very frustrating. Other than that, I don't have a thing in common with the list.
Sure would be nice to 'quick read'. Can you do that? Is it an asset or a detriment?
Thanks for posting (Love your digital photos)
~Douglas
Also, if we're chatting together, we're bound to make some assassin really happy when he realizes he's scored a two-fer.
Apropos of nothing, have you ever been out to bbsmates.com? Ah, a blast from the past...
Off to find the Ghostship Faerietart...
(This is a conversation sure to puzzle my regular readers.. lol)
~Douglas
Interested? Yes
I didn't know you were into RPGs. Small world!
Oh, boy, DO I!! I have often in my head been yelling SHUT UP!! to myself, but for some reason my mouth just keeps going and I just have to watch that train wreck. Excruciatingly painful.
The Picture Thinker that Slö was talking about seems like me. I have always had a lot of trouble with numbers, names and symbols. But it's great for being able to tell exactly where I am and where I need to go - like a map in my head. When taking tests, I would have the picture in my head of the page of notes that I took on that particular thing - it would almost be like open book. I learned to take notes in diagram or picture form to make this even easier.
And the whole intuitiveness is definitely me. I have to convince people to trust me, but it always works out; so that soon, those people learn to trust me without coersion even if they think the idea is far out there. When I get that look in my eyes, they know it's going to be good even if they can't understand how it will work.
And CHALK!! Can't stand the stuff!! And certain grabby, sticky silks. BLEAH!! There are some new pant and jacket materials that will get the gag reflex going in me too.
My friends get a kick out of seeing my reaction to unpleasant sensations. Glad to know that I can keep them entertained.
Ok... trying to get myself together and type... lol! =)
Ok. I just recognized myself from your posts. *Looking out for that possibility of hitmen after me, jikes!* I always ramble, I can't help it. I am completely unable to stay in topic or get to the topic. Off-topic could be my middle name! *Hee!* I have had to do the same when making important calls; write down the important things or I will forget them completely. If I write them down, then I'll remember. My fiancé always tells me to get to the point... He gets annoyed if I start to describe the outfit a person who I was talking about was wearing during the time I talked to this person... completely unrelevant to what this person was saying... *rolles her eyes* Anyhow, I SO can relate!
Thanks for this post, really! =)
I make my point the 'topic I must bring up before I forget'. That is my way of assuring that it gets taken care of. And I feel anxious if I don't get it out right away because I know I will forget it. Actually, sometimes people are taken aback because when I get on the phone I just launch right into the reason why I called without any preliminary small talk because I am so worried about forgetting the reason why I called.
nessie ~ Let's see. To me "remembering exactly the location and relative position of objects" means having good spacial skills. When I drive, for example, I don't just see the car in front of me. I "see" the traffic in front of me as if I'm above it which allows me to anticipate how the traffic will flow. I skip through rush hour traffic mostly always being in the fastest lane. I hadn't ever really thought about it much until my 13 year old asked me last month to explain how I maneuver through rush hour traffic so easily. I couldn't explain it AND drive at the same time, though. LOL
Sylvana ~ Good for you! That's great you figured out how to take better notes to accommodate how you process information. As for convincing people to trust me, well, let's just say I'm a lousy salesman..
Finnish Girl ~ Jotting down notes is definitely good coping strategy. I wish I had known to do that in my 20's.
Heidi the Hick ~ I keep myself in check with this column by limiting the word count. I'll write it up without worrying first and pass 1100 words sometimes, then when I'm done I pull out the pruning sheers and cut is all back to under 900 words. Really helps me refine the points I'm trying to make.
R ~ :) I have that problem, too. I forget small chitchat all the time and just cut to the crash if I'm not watching myself. That fear of forgetting is very compelling, isn't it?
staci ~ Good for you. Getting the diagnosis of AD/HD isn't supposed to give you an excuse for failure like so many non-believers would have you think. Instead, it helps you understand yourself better. In turn, that will help you rethink how to approach life, just like Sylvana was talking about earlier. By knowing how she learned, she could adapt her note taking to be more efficient. I hope you are able to the same sorts of things in your life. Plus, not hating yourself and relaxing a little about these eccentricities will help you live longer. ;)
Carmon
~Douglas
but the simple words are lost
in tricky perceptionism.
what layers do we share?
"photographic memory" is a poor terminology for something that includes the memory of all the senses.
if we saw fotos all the time, bad accidents would happen.
it's more a kind of awareness
unable to order but with associative lines
-feels like it's the choice to use my brain rather as a factory than as a warehouse-
somehow i appear either incredibly intelligent or incredibly dumb to strangers, in rl conversation.
the worst is with a girlfriend..i sometimes have to do so much dissection to figure out what not to say that its not worth saying anything at all..very hard to find someone to feel at-ease with!
i think you have this thing down pat much much better than i do!
thank heavens anyone who decides to work professionally with me knows my quirks and is more or less willing to put up with them
..i'd be wary of the 'assassins' though. ;)
Stuffed Shirt: "Focus, buddy, or I'll blast ya!"
Me: "Did you know you had some shmutz on the tip of your muzzle?"
-=BLAM!=-
Anyway, the trick is to surround yourself with laid back people who find you quirky and amusing. Not always an option at the job, but definitely something I work towards in my home life. When I find the secret to getting stuffed shirts to respect me for my intellect I'll write a book and send you a copy! :)