On Arrogance, Attitude, and Accomplishment
I've recently been accused on another blog of being arrogant. This came as a surprise to me so I asked the blogger what she felt about me was arrogant. We had a very civil discourse and then she surprised me again. She edited her original post. For all intents and purposes, I was therefore no longer arrogant.
Or was I?
I won't quote her or identify her because she has a gentle heart and was really troubled by what she had first written. However, she did touch upon something that others have expressed here from time to time and I feel it needs to be explored. I haven't been called arrogant before, but I have been called delusional, ignorant, an idiot, and a loser. All par for the course when posting one's thoughts out into the public arena. Not everybody is going to like what you write.
So whence the trouble? Well, it is my opinion that most neurological problems are no more complicated than physical ones, meaning they can be overcome. But our society has cultivated a culture of helplessness in its quest for increased sensitivity or profit, depending on the party. In fact, this may come across as overly harsh to you if you are accustomed to the politically correct approach employed by most experts. It is, however, this pugnacious attitude that forms the core of my fight against disabilities.
Some readers bristle at me referring to things like AD/HD and Depression as disability. Some feel ashamed after reading my column because they require medications where I don't and some feel I shame them which makes them angry. Some are merely offended that I dare say that one can cope with life without medications, and others, in my opinion, are so deep in their troubles that they despise or reject any hand extended out to them. Skeptics find me boastful, depressives find me depressing (because, presumably, they can't fathom using optimism to offset depression), and snobs write me off as yet another AD/HD whiner, if they recognize AD/HD at all.
And still I pound away at the keyboard. I will not be silenced. My blog is linked all over the internet. Hundreds of people each week read what I write. Obviously, not all of them agree with me. I have entertained a very unpopular idea that I can overcome neurological disabilities with positive thinking and a cheeky attitude. And I'm proud of it.
I don't think that's the problem, however. People who disagree with me might flame me here in the comments, flame me on their blogs, or never visit my site again, but they never recommend my column while also stating they find me a bit arrogant, as my newfound friend did. This I take seriously. Any person who rudely dismisses my opinion because they don't agree with it is roundly skewered by me in the comments section. I have no patience for them. But those who are hurt by what I say or troubled by it cut to my core. I see that as a personal failing, especially if I haven't made myself clear as was the case where this friend was concerned.
Apparently, in my efforts to empower people and cheer them on I make it sound like overcoming things like depression or anxiety should be easy, when really it is a struggle - even for me. It takes a very long time to get to the point where I am at with depression. Once, I was suicidal. Now I really can shake depression off. Before, I would experience panic attacks. Now, I am relatively relaxed and easy going (comparatively, anyway). The secret sauce to my special recipe for success is being ornery. I get mad at disability. I glare at it. I snarl and shout at it. I treat it as my arch nemesis - my Snively Whiplash. The problem is that I have a hard time getting the thoughts in my head out into my column. Somehow, I fail to communicate the struggle and only succeed in emphasizing the success. Alas, Dudley Doright was never known for his communication skills, but he got the job done.
Well, here's a little truth for you. I'm having a hard time of things these past few months. I am struggling with insomnia and not winning the battle. Consequently, my AD/HD is odious, my tic disorder keeps me out of society, and depression hovers in the wings like an annoying mosquito - ever present with its incessant whine. Even my anxiety, something I kicked into submission over ten years ago, is rearing its very frantic head as I approach my fortieth birthday while my goals are still unmet.
So now the world knows that I am not only not perfect, but not on top of my game either. If I have any flaws here, however, it is in my difficulty in expressing myself, something I continually fight with.
But I will prevail. I may have had a setback, but the techniques I have learned will see me through this dark period. You see, I have decided that I am tired of disability getting in the way of my happiness. I don't mean to be arrogant, but I may continue to sound that way regardless. I believe I can overcome my neurological difficulties, but worst of all I believe you can do it, too.
Or was I?
I won't quote her or identify her because she has a gentle heart and was really troubled by what she had first written. However, she did touch upon something that others have expressed here from time to time and I feel it needs to be explored. I haven't been called arrogant before, but I have been called delusional, ignorant, an idiot, and a loser. All par for the course when posting one's thoughts out into the public arena. Not everybody is going to like what you write.
So whence the trouble? Well, it is my opinion that most neurological problems are no more complicated than physical ones, meaning they can be overcome. But our society has cultivated a culture of helplessness in its quest for increased sensitivity or profit, depending on the party. In fact, this may come across as overly harsh to you if you are accustomed to the politically correct approach employed by most experts. It is, however, this pugnacious attitude that forms the core of my fight against disabilities.
Some readers bristle at me referring to things like AD/HD and Depression as disability. Some feel ashamed after reading my column because they require medications where I don't and some feel I shame them which makes them angry. Some are merely offended that I dare say that one can cope with life without medications, and others, in my opinion, are so deep in their troubles that they despise or reject any hand extended out to them. Skeptics find me boastful, depressives find me depressing (because, presumably, they can't fathom using optimism to offset depression), and snobs write me off as yet another AD/HD whiner, if they recognize AD/HD at all.
And still I pound away at the keyboard. I will not be silenced. My blog is linked all over the internet. Hundreds of people each week read what I write. Obviously, not all of them agree with me. I have entertained a very unpopular idea that I can overcome neurological disabilities with positive thinking and a cheeky attitude. And I'm proud of it.
I don't think that's the problem, however. People who disagree with me might flame me here in the comments, flame me on their blogs, or never visit my site again, but they never recommend my column while also stating they find me a bit arrogant, as my newfound friend did. This I take seriously. Any person who rudely dismisses my opinion because they don't agree with it is roundly skewered by me in the comments section. I have no patience for them. But those who are hurt by what I say or troubled by it cut to my core. I see that as a personal failing, especially if I haven't made myself clear as was the case where this friend was concerned.
Apparently, in my efforts to empower people and cheer them on I make it sound like overcoming things like depression or anxiety should be easy, when really it is a struggle - even for me. It takes a very long time to get to the point where I am at with depression. Once, I was suicidal. Now I really can shake depression off. Before, I would experience panic attacks. Now, I am relatively relaxed and easy going (comparatively, anyway). The secret sauce to my special recipe for success is being ornery. I get mad at disability. I glare at it. I snarl and shout at it. I treat it as my arch nemesis - my Snively Whiplash. The problem is that I have a hard time getting the thoughts in my head out into my column. Somehow, I fail to communicate the struggle and only succeed in emphasizing the success. Alas, Dudley Doright was never known for his communication skills, but he got the job done.
Well, here's a little truth for you. I'm having a hard time of things these past few months. I am struggling with insomnia and not winning the battle. Consequently, my AD/HD is odious, my tic disorder keeps me out of society, and depression hovers in the wings like an annoying mosquito - ever present with its incessant whine. Even my anxiety, something I kicked into submission over ten years ago, is rearing its very frantic head as I approach my fortieth birthday while my goals are still unmet.
So now the world knows that I am not only not perfect, but not on top of my game either. If I have any flaws here, however, it is in my difficulty in expressing myself, something I continually fight with.
But I will prevail. I may have had a setback, but the techniques I have learned will see me through this dark period. You see, I have decided that I am tired of disability getting in the way of my happiness. I don't mean to be arrogant, but I may continue to sound that way regardless. I believe I can overcome my neurological difficulties, but worst of all I believe you can do it, too.
Comments
I realize that you blog for a number of reasons--to share ideas, to record what works and what doesn't, and not coincidentally to improve your ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings to others. Getting reader feedback, whether it's approval or disapproval, is an indispensible tool. Feedback lets you see how well you've succeeded, or helps you recognize the areas where you need improvement.
For what it's worth, I don't see you as arrogant. A truly arrogant person would have blown off criticism (and probably denigrated the critic), not addressed it honestly.
I find that you echo many of the same things that I have learned over the years about mental disabilities. Not everyone is going to be open to the ideas, but for those that are, they will be amazed at how well practicing positive/optimistic thinking actually works.
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Sorry for the rant. I was inspired by what you wrote!
Peace.
I think you are the perfect opposite of "arrogant"!
Have you thought of making a book out of your blog? I think that it could be a great book on dealing with mental disability on a daily basis. Personally I like reading about problem-solving in the shape of anecdotes.
Maybe my depression has losened it's grip just a little by now... I'm working with affirmations every day.
Keep up the good work!
Anne Parillaud
I apologize for my delay in replying. I'll take a few comments at a time throughout the day since the kids will be keeping me busy.
~Douglas
As for your blog, I never thought you were a hypocrite (why is that pronounced 'hi-pa-"krit instead of 'hi-pa-"krIt? Nevermind). I took your comment at face value. I am a little arrogant. I think that was the point of my column. I entertain audacious ideas and have the temerity to dictate others should entertain them, too. Gets me into trouble all the time. ;)
In regards to your jealousy, well, we're all entitled to a little bit of snarky behavior from time to time. Battling with our own brains can be exhausting. I think you were brave to identify yourself. So I'm going to be arrogant again and tell you what to do. Go get a hug from your husband, take a long, deep cleansing breath, and stop beating yourself up. I am not upset at you. I was never upset at you. In fact, I respected your opinion and felt it was intelligently expressed.
DrumsNWhistles ~ I'm glad you said that. You know I have hard feelings about meds because the side-effects made me worse for life instead of better. So I'm coming at meds from a different place from typical AD/HD bloggers. However, I respect your decision to use meds. As long as somebody works with a doctor and monitors for harmful side-effects who am I to say that meds shouldn't be a solution for them? I just caution against those pesky side-effects. I appreciate it when you link to me. Mutual respect allows for varying opinions. In the end we all benefit from the open discourse.
Soozcat ~ Some people are just psycho about avoiding that label. They get really worked up about it. "I'm not disabled! I just can't work anymore because I want to die all day long!" I feel bad for them, but I can relate. I used to be just like them.
Thanks. I only get arrogant with people who call me delusional. Then I get out my ladder and climb up on my very tall horse and give them a piece of my mind. Since my mind is splintered I have a lot of pieces laying about to give away apparently. ;)
Sylvana ~ I think the reason I took Phoenix's comments so seriously was because she already agreed with many of my ideas and had been using them successfully in her life. I didn't invent them. In fact, I like finding other people who take control of their lives in similar ways to how I do it. So when she recommended my blog and mentioned she thought I was arrogant I gave it full consideration. If she had railed against me as an arrogant buffoon I would have responded in kind, but she didn't. I disagreed with her, of course! LOL
I wish others were able to start implementing positive/optimistic thinking in dealing with their depression as you, she, and I have done. I don't mean to be a Polyanna, but what could it hurt really?
Titania ~ Glad to drop by. And welcome. I look forward to reading your comments.
Phew. Enough for now. I need to go draw, but I promise I'll respond to the other comments later. Take care, all of you, and thank you for your concern.
HP ~ I hate it when that happens!
I suppose the books feel they need to be general to be able to reach more people. That maximizes their appeal and profits. I don't feel the same drive. Consequently my blog is terribly personal and entertaining but doesn't make a lick of money. LOL Thanks for being a regular reader. I'm glad you enjoy my columns. ;)
Stina ~ I have thought about making a book of my blog, but haven't done much else than think about it. It's a costly venture to self-publish. So I'm thinking about other alternatives.
Glad to hear you're making improvements with your depression. You keep up the good work, too!
Claire Torrey ~ Welcome! I hope you find some of the back columns of use to you. There's a search field on the right that should help you find what you're looking for.
Keeping a positive attitude is a survival mechanism for me. If I don't keep my spirits up then I slide and things get worse. I'm really terrified of that happening to me again so it's up, up, up for me! ;) Thanks for the book suggestion. I'll try to look into it.
MaryAn Batchellor ~ Exactly! I couldn't agree with you more. Thanks for dropping by.
Laury ~ You're too kind. No really. There is no way that I am perfect just because I admit I'm not. LOL
Staci ~ Thank you very much. You are probably right. No matter how hard I try to communicate, text simply doesn't convey all I am thinking. And sometimes something I say means one thing to me and another to somebody else. But I think the people who respond regularly around here understand that and we work things out. This is a good case for optimism. By tossing in the towel we concede defeat and allow things to get worse. As hard as the fight is, we mustn't give up trying. Good on you!
Big D ~ That's how *I* do it. I get mad at my limitations all the time. Not "self-loathing" made, though that can creep in, but "Oh no you don't! Not today!" mad.
As for my writing style, maybe you shouldn't dig too deeply into my past archives. ;) It took me about a year to learn how to write without sounding like I was whining. Well, at least that's how I see it. I don't think it's any coincidence that my blog became more accessible to people when I excised pity from my ramblings here. That was one of the goals I set out for myself. And I still struggle with it, too. You should try your hand at blogging again if you've stopped. It's a great training ground to work out bad habits and develop positive ones. Thanks for posting.
Phew! What a work out! You folks kept me busy all week. I must have fallen out of practice. Thanks for all the insightful and thoughtful comments. I only hope that people don't just skim my column and bail without reading the comments sections. The comments are the icing on the cake around here. Keep them coming! Thanks.
During the blackest period of my life I hated myself so much that I wanted to kill myself. One time I took a phone cord, wrapped it around my neck, and pulled with all my might. The thought came to me that this was a stupid way to kill myself. That'd I'd just start breathing again when I passed out. That's when I realized that I didn't really want to die; I wanted to punish myself.
I never did anything like that ever again because I recognized it for psychotic behavior and I made sure to not let myself get that dark again. It was around the turning point in my life when I started to crawl out of the darkness using positive thinking. It was probably one of the pivotal moments when I realized something had to change in my life or I wouldn't make it.
Boy, was that hard. It was hard to think positive when I hated myself so completely. But I persevered. And you can too. I am glad you recognize that cutting yourself is irrational and destructive. That's the first step towards controlling it. You "simply" need to work on closing the gap between the moment you are tempted to do it and the moment you catch yourself doing it. Soon you can stop yourself. What I learned in those black days is that when I hurt myself, I hurt my wife and daughters. They loved me unconditionally and didn't see me as the foul, disgusting creature I saw myself as. I attribute the strength I had to change to them. They saved me. Let your son save you. I wish you all the best of luck conquering your personal demons. Thanks for sharing.
~Douglas