Saturday, April 08, 2006

Depression: Ten Ways to Fight It Off, Part 2

Update 2016: This article was featured in my book
"Saying NO to Suicide"

Part 1 | Part 2

(cc) Douglas CooteyLast week I covered the first steps I found necessary to fight off depression. A good night's sleep, a balanced meal, and lots of exercise you ask? Well, I might try those someday, but mostly my steps involved developing self-awareness and a proactive attitude, or in other words, know when you are depressed and decide to do something about it. I found once I put myself in the proper frame of mind I could pull myself out of the funk. Sometimes, willpower alone was enough, but often I needed a bag of tricks to rely on.

Continuing my list of ten ways to fight off the black beastie, here are the six steps I use to distract myself away from depression, and who better to guide you than a Master of Distraction? After all, getting distracted was what got me in trouble in last week's example. I'm a natural.

5) Ignore it
Believe it or not, once you develop the ability to see your depression from the outside you can actually push it away like the annoying gnat it is. This technique requires self-confidence and willpower or hyperfocus on another project. I'd like to say I bat depression away by virtue of my manly will, but more often than not I simply procrastinate giving in to it by burying myself into a project. When I finish the project I usually come out well balanced having given my mind a chance to regulate itself, but sometimes ignoring the depression doesn't work.

6) Do something fun
Get up and go do something that usually cheers you up that doesn't involve high calories. In fact, it is important to have a preset list in your mind to pick from because depression shapes thought. Leaving that moment to pick something fun to do might yield such delights as going for a walk in the cemetery, eating an entire box of cookies, or rereading 1984. Instead, watch a comedy. Go to the movies. Work at one of your many hobbies. Get together with friends or give one of them a call. Anything that will be pleasant and get your mind off depression and on something more upbeat. Sometimes I may need to do several "somethings" before the funk is left behind.

7) Engage your mind
Read a book (NOT 1984). Read the news. Watch a documentary. Organize a messy drawer or your family photos. Too scary? OK, then play the daily Sudoku or Crossword puzzle. Call up a friend and discuss politics or religion if you like high energy conversations, or just discuss the latest Oprah and ragchew for a while. Do anything that makes you think. Deciding which TV channel to flip by doesn't count. TV itself isn't bad, but vegging out is. That only prolongs depression. Many studies show that taking up new hobbies, learning new instruments to play, making new friends, etc. can give us positive experiences and healthy endorphins while occupying our minds, all important activities to occupy one's brain with. Find something that piques your interest and pursue it.

I chose this method the other day. I read some news, which peppered my brain with new info. Then I experimented over at Newsvine - a recent but ex-distraction. When I was done, the depression was gone. It was a combination of step six and seven that helped stop the wave of sadness and turned my mood around. Sometimes, though, I need to do more to fully succeed.

8) Change your surroundings
The very act of changing your surroundings starts a sea change within your mind. I don't mean just changing the drapes, although sometimes cleaning up your surroundings can be therapeutic. I'm referring to something more active. Get out of the house. Get out of the office. Get up off the couch and walk away from the TV. Go for a walk in the park. Go for a drive. Take a different way home from work. Visit an art gallery. Attend a concert in the park. Paint "Take Me!" on the roof of your car and cruise out to Area 51. Whatever you do, break your routine. Give yourself something new to look at and experience. You may have to force yourself to do this one, but when the doldrums set in and everything seems bland, don't be blasé. Be bold. Otherwise you're stuck in a funk.

9) Pray or meditate
Many people find spiritual activities comforting and uplifting. Regardless of your religious beliefs, scientists have discovered recently that spiritual experiences access different parts of the brain than other activities. Although they would have you believe that "Finding Jesus" or obtaining Nirvana is simply a chemical aberration of the mind, scientists also tend to believe love is simply a chemical process. Consequently, they don't get many dates.

Prayer with Deity can be emotionally fulfilling and intimately satisfying, but most people seem to associate prayer with confession, guilt, and ducking behind bushes to avoid your local clergy. Try praying as a mental exercise for health. Keep it positive. Results may vary, but I have found prayer helpful during some of my darkest hours. Meditation can have healthy effects as well, though if you have AD/HD you may find long sessions of meditation impossible. I'm more likely to be able to walk on water before I can sit still and think about nothing. Still, if depression is caused by an overawareness to stress indices as some suggest, then meditation can be perfect for soothing the soul and calming the mind. Both prayer and meditation engage the mind. I have used both to my benefit.

10) Work it out
Although a healthy diet, consistent exercise, and proper amounts of sleep can help regulate the mind and prevent the onset of depression, all of that doesn't do squat when you want to crawl under the desk with the lights out while thinking miserable thoughts. Try taking some of that self-loathing out in the gym. You've heard before about the healthy release of endorphins we experience when exercising. I wouldn't recommend starting an exercise regimen for the first time when suddenly battling depression, but forcing yourself to exercise when you've been doing it regularly beforehand can work wonders for the psyche. I don't exercise as much as I would like, but I know many people who use exercise as medicine and they successfully thwart depression because of it.

There you are. My ten steps. Hopefully, I have made you think and smile here and there. If we find ourselves depressed unexpectedly, we don't have to remain victims. There are things we can do to drive depression away. Life is too short to spend it moping about and miserable. When medication fails us, we need to have other arrows in our quiver to strike quickly at the black beastie. We may need to unload the entire arsenal, but we can overcome it. Even if the victories are minor and the steps taken are small, we can eventually live a life of quality and mirth. That's what I believe, and that's how I live.


Douglas Cootey said...

11) Visit for about 10 minutes. Do not visit before operating heavy machinery.

This has been by far the longest column I have ever written (almost 1200 words). I imagine my AD/HD audience has long since moved on to other webpages. However, because I struggle with depression but have mastered it to some extent I wanted to share my experiences with others. I couldn't do it under 900 words, which is my usual goal. The two parts combined equal almost 2100 words! At the very least, this two parter might be a great substitute for sleeping medications. ;)

I invite you all to leave comments on how you fight off depression. In fact, I'll probably leave comments open on this column for some time just so we can get an ongoing flow of ideas for everyone to learn from.

Although my column today is geared towards reaching people like myself who are sensitive to anti-depressants and need alternatives, please don't take my column as medical advice. I'm just this guy. Remember? Maybe something I write can help you. Maybe it can help you ask the right questions with your doctor. But if you stop taking your meds and are found riding shopping carts stark naked in Wal*Mart while shouting "Tally ho!", don't blame me! :p

Douglas Cootey said...

RE: this week's illo... I have had a hard time this week. It's been pretty bad as far as ticking is concerned. So if I can work up a new illo by Sunday, I'll post it. Otherwise, I'll let the first illo stand for both of them so that I can stay on track for next week.

KristieSue said...

Just make the font smaller :p Nobody will count the words ;)

I enjoyed reading the last two posts. I feel like I have a few extra bullets in my gun for the next time I spot the black beastie ;) And I also know what to look for now :)

Heidi the Hick said...

May I add a step 11 that may not be for everybody?

11) Go get your hair dyed pink! Every time you look in the mirror, you'll go, "OO!" instead of "blahhhh".

Does me some good!

Thanks Douglas. Good to have some extra tools for my tool box. I think I'm going to print this off for my friend too.

ScarletSphinx said...

This couldn't have come at a better time. I find depression licking my face all too often these days. Thanks for the tips, Doug.

btw, word ver: gagjoy

How ironic

Susanne said...

I think for me it's important changing the "borders" sometimes - I mean that sort of borders that only exist in my head - and doing "crazy" things then...
That's so refreshing and drives away any depressive moods.

Sandra said...

I put out a bunch of calls and emails - to friends or to people I would like to get to know better - asking them to schedule a coffee or lunch date with me. Pretty soon I have several to look forward to. Spending time with others, whether they be old or potential new friends, gets me out of my own head and thinking about them. If I'm in a funk, I find it's helpful to have things on the schedule, things that are above the routine and grind of what often feels like my overwhelming responsibilities. I refuse to say that I don't have time for me. It is mandatory and if the laundry doesn't get done or I miss an hour of work, so be it. I'm no good to the family or my boss if I'm melting down. Thanks for your awesome list Douglas. Off to check out your tip #11!

KristieSue said...

:D I tested out one of your steps. I actually PLAYED paintball this weekend instead of just working on the field! (We run a paintball field btw) It was so much fun and I'm on my second day without getting in a funk! :D I can tell the difference in my husband too, he is more at ease and my kids seem happier and are fighting less. I've heard at church they say the wife/mom sets the tone of the home and family. I think there is some truth to that ;) Thanks for the advice!

Douglas Cootey said...

KristieSue ~ Shoot straight! Nobody should remain depressed when there are ways to fight it off.

Heidi the Hick ~ Nifty! I've always wanted to dye my hair electric blue. That ought to scare away the blues! waitaminute...

ScarletSphinx ~ Depression licks you in the face? Are you sure that isn't just your dog? Get him some breath bisquits and I bet you'll be feeling better immediately!

gagjoy? I don't follow. I can't appreciate the irony. LOL

Susanne ~ There you go! Go on a crazy road trip within your own mind. :)

Sandra ~ Scheduling time with friends... That's a great tip. I forgot to mention I do the same thing. I schedule a get together with my friends for every Saturday. My kids' social life has been messing that up of late, but for the most part my friends just show up and force me to laugh. My wife claims that it does wonders for my stress levels.

"Thanks for your awesome list Douglas. Off to check out your tip #11!"

Ooh, be careful. I hope you have a high cuteness stamina. That site is going to slam you hard with hearts, bunnies, and furry critters faster than you can say "smoochies"

KristieSue ~ Glad you and your husband are benefitting by fighting off depression with positive activities. I've heard my church say the same thing for some time about mothers setting the tone of the home. I find it to still be true even though my wife works fulltime and I'm the fulltime parent.

Slain said...

oh, i dont know pal..sumtimes mine distractible persona gets in the way far more than helps!!! the sense that im kept away from what i really should be doing, and could accomplish much if i just did that and stuck to it. ::sigh::

the 'manly will' part really cracked me up ;)

i was thinkin yesterday..i prolly need to engage my mind more. like, learn a new language or something. what do you think..

sometimes when i feel like changing my surroundings i think drastic. like, getting the hell outta whatever and wherever i am and run off somewhere, preferably isolated and un-manned environment.
too extreme inside..

haha. methinks scientists get more dates than me. wait. don't i also research stuff?? okay, scratch that lol

i lost my faith in 2001. sorta regained bits n' pieces by 2005. still pickin' up the pieces..sometimes i wonder if they're best left on da floor..

unfortunately, what arrows i have tend to want to lodge themselves into yours truly.

exercise is da bomb. then again, i have hurt myself wailing on a punching bag in a fit of stress-induced anger..

ps. if you ever walk on water, do let me know ::wink::
ps2. my latest 2 (prolly 3) posts talk bout my struggle with the biological aspect of things.

BiPolar Guy said...

Personally I like to rather call it "easing the depression", than "fighting the depression". When I'm down, the last thing I feel like doing is fighting. You might like my own list:

p)syche said...

11) Go get your hair dyed pink! Every time you look in the mirror, you'll go, "OO!" instead of "blahhhh". - Heidi the Hick

Oh! I do this all the time too! Cut/ colour/ whatever my hair; if it is too short already, then I'll get some colour on it etc. The correlation of the number of times I visit my hairdresser is directly proportionate to how down I am feeling. I think it links nicely with 8) Change your surroundings. To me, it is also a physical action - when I change my hair, the reflection staring back after that 45 mins is different and she will be able to handle whatever that was ailing her 45 mins ago. Pink, blue, blonde, or jet black - just bring it on.

Your 10) Work it out helps a lot too. I was did a half-marathon last year and now I am aiming for a full one this December. There are amazing physical and mental benefits to this. In addition, the mere completion of it is also training my ADD mind to complete something so challenging that it scares me still.

Sharing my #11: A bit of unconditional affection. A giggle from a child, a leap from a thousand-wag-a minute puppy, or a bear hug from a loved one etc does provide slight relief.

Poetwoman said...

Hi Doug,
I just read your 2 posts about beating depression,and your suggestions are excellent! I would add one though: play with your cat/dog/pet dinosaur. If you don't have a pet, get one if you can. Having cats have kept me going many times. There have been times I wanted to stay in bed and do nothing, but I have to get up to take care of them, and they love me unconditionally. They don't care about my disabilities!

ScarletSphinx said...

*dumps ice down Doug's back*

Bad Doug! Bad!

Douglas Cootey said...

Sorry for the delay in commenting. I'm between ISPs at the moment so my access to the internet is temporarily limited.

Sol ~ Learning a new language is a great idea, provided you can follow through. As for distractions, they have their place. However, what I'm referring to is distracting yourself on purpose FROM depression doing something that absorbs you. This is different than getting depressed because you became distracted instead of doing something that was important to you.

Thanks for commenting.

BiPolar Guy ~ I'll be sure to check out your list as soon as I have regular internet access again. In the meantime, I wanted to respond to your comment.

When I realize I have allowed myself to sink into depression I see the struggle out as a fight. I throw my whole energy into it - like a fight for my life. I suppose I am that way because I have lost too many years to the dark stupor of sadness. I won't sink into that blackness again. So I snarl and I hiss and I fight my way out like a caged animal.

I do not need to fight so savagely now, but I still remember how hard it was to reclaim my life and so I feel the metaphor is still apt today.

That's not to say that your way is wrong, but to say that my way works for me. Take it for what's it's worth: one man's method of fending off depression.

p)syche ~ I like what you had to say. I may be in a bit of a funk now because my hairdresser went and got married on me and moved away last January. I haven't had my hair cut since. Hmm, maybe it's time to find someone new... ;)

As for your #11, I think that's something my girls did for me. I have four of them and they are so sweet and full of light that right from the first girl there was no place for my gothic funk to hide. I found them especially helpful in giving me a reason to stop hating myself. Haven't done that for a long while.

Great comments!

Poetwoman ~ Pet dinosaur!?! My yard's not big enough for that much love!

ScarletSphinx ~ I can't be serious all the time... :)


Slain said...

Douglas ~ me currently working on expanding my mental horizons. mebbe will post a lil on that in future.

no prob, man!

Anonymous said...

I suffered from depression for years and finally got help in 2002. Through medication and talk therapy, I was able to overcome it, temporary. Some days I just wake up and can't function. There is no reason for it, I'm not down on myself, thinking depressive thoughts, it's something physical. The next day, I'll be fine. I have a good job, great family, and are normal in every sense, nobody would suspect. I exercise regularlly, run about 12 miles/week. In fact, I ran a marathon last year.

What I'm trying to say is that these cute little tips are nice and all but some of us have a physical disorder. These won't help. I've tried everything, have a positive outlook, but sometimes the depression takes hold of me and nothing will cure it. I have to live with that.

Running magazine had a great article on a runner that was paralyzed by depression. She did the meds, therapy, but somedays just couldn't function. It reminds me of how I feel some days ...

-- ISM

Douglas Cootey said...

ISM - Cute little tips? You're not being condescending at all, now, are you? Basically, what you are saying is that because I manage my depression and you can't because "some of us have a physical disorder" my depression must not be TRUE depression. That's just dopey.

Look, I'm just this guy who has learned a few things from therapy, research, and personal experimentation that I share here. I have never made myself out to be more than that. Just because these "cute little tips" don't work for you doesn't mean that they don't work for me or others, that I don't have "real" depression, or that I'm delusional as another happy chap suggested on Part 1 of this column.

My depression hasn't gone away. I had a really hard time with it today, in point of fact. I was absolutely miserable. Could barely move. But these techniques really help me overcome the worst of it. I say to myself, "OK, I've done the depression thing. I'm bored with it already. Time for something new." The depression doesn't magically evaporate, but the proactive thinking puts me in the proper frame of mind to overcome the sadness. I'm not talking about sticking a flower in your ear and whistling "Don't Worry Be Happy". I'm talking about coaxing your brain out of the funk with positive thoughts.

I can see you're frustrated. And I think it's great that you have tried so many positive, healthy approaches to dealing with your depression. I'm hardly in shape to run a marathon. But don't bust my chops because life handed you a fuzzy lollipop. I don't speak for you. I only speak for me and others who have had great success with Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I realize it's a bit much to expect you to be happy for me. Afterall, you're depressed! But when you have those days when you're mind decides to take you offline for a bit, in my experience tips like these can help you shorten that time.

Anonymous said...


I did not mean to sound condescending at all. If I did, I am sorry.

I wanted to separate "feeling the blues" with clinical depression. Having suffered with clincial depression, I (as well as many other people) know how debilitating it can be. This is different than feeling down because you had a bad day of paintball.

I can folow all of your tips, and still be overcome. For example,

- Do I have a reason to be depressed? No - I have great family, great job, and great house. I have no reason but still get depressed.

- Develop the desire to not be depressed. I wish it was that easy. I certainly have no desire to be depressed but some days, it overcomes me.

- Ignore it. Again, I wish it was that easy.

- Do something fun. I do this all the time. And this helps.

- Engage your mide. I use my mind all day long at work and at home (such as playing chess and reading extensively)

- Pray or meditate. This might work for the "believers" but not for me.

- Work it out. As I mentioned, I exercise on a regular basis.

My point is that I have taken meds, seen doctors, read books on the subject, and tried the tips and techniques. These have all helped. When I think back to my lowest point back in 2002, I am so much better today. However, some days I wake up and struggle to make it through the day. The next day, I am fine.

So your tips are good ones and I'm glad they have helped people. But I also know that I have a chemical imbalance that will be with me for the rest of my life. And I've accepted that.

-- ISM

Douglas Cootey said...

ISM ~ I'm really glad you took time to respond again. I love open dialogue with people, even if we disagree. I apologize for being oversensitive when replying to you. I was struggling that day with a very bad bout of depression - the deepest I had experienced in some time. When you referred to my tips as "cute" I'm afraid I took that rather personally. From time to time I am accused of NOT being depressed because I've been able to manage it whereas the accuser has not. It is irritating to me and I must admit my patience is thin at those moments. Once again, I apologize.

Let's take your comments one by one so I can respond to them properly. I'm sure my readers will find this conversation fascinating:

- Do I have a reason to be depressed? No - I have great family, great job, and great house. I have no reason but still get depressed.

I don't own a house yet. That always depresses me. Maybe I will change that this summer. ;) But putting that aside I believe you have correctly identified that your depression isn't caused by any real life situation. It is an imbalance in your mind that is causing it (as you mention later in your comments). My theory, as well as the theory of Cognitive Behavior Therapy, is that you can do something about this type of depression now that you know it isn't "real". Let's see how you do...

- Develop the desire to not be depressed. I wish it was that easy. I certainly have no desire to be depressed but some days, it overcomes me.

Right, it wouldn't be disabling if it didn't overcome us. Let me word this another way. You need to develop the will to not be depressed. This isn't easy by any means and I am sorry if my 900 word constraint for each column made it seem that way. This is the keystone to CBT - the will to change that affects change. So, obviously, you don't want to be depressed. Who really does? We miss out on so much of life when we are overwhelmed by these feelings. So for me I became angry and was determined to fight my depression, but I'm a hot head (don't know if you noticed or not ;) and such anger comes easily. I believe that inside of you there is a key you can turn to find that resolve. In fact, the resolution to conquer this problem is only the first step. It in itself doesn't change anything. It just facilitates the next steps you need to take. In all honesty, you sound like you've already taken that step. I was addressing that point to people who are overcome with hopelessness - who seem resigned to be miserable forever. I don't believe that is you.

- Ignore it. Again, I wish it was that easy.

I wish I had made that Point #10. It was off-putting for many people. I can ignore my depression. That doesn't mean it goes away, though it often eventually fades away as the day progresses. It just means that after reaching a certain level of control one can push depression aside and go about their day without impedance. The operative words here are "after reaching a certain level of control". It's an advanced technique. Even I can't always use it as I state in the article.

Here's another way of looking at it. Right now my body is bright red and hurting from way too much sun. Like depression, the sunburn can be overwhelming and debilitating. However, sunburns can be ignored. They don't stop hurting, but you can still move around and get things done. Depression can be ignored the same way, but like I said in the article, I usually need to bury myself in a project and distract myself from it. Perhaps this is a gift of AD/HD in this case.

- Do something fun. I do this all the time. And this helps.

Yeah, this is a really effective tool. I utilize it often to keep depression at bay, though I may have to do several somethings before seeing results. The big problem I have with it is that I have AD/HD and can consequently get distracted from what I'm supposed to be doing. :p

- Engage your mide. I use my mind all day long at work and at home (such as playing chess and reading extensively)

Great! Sometimes it is enough for me to engage my mind. The chemical imbalance can abate over time and often I can ride out the storm by pursuing something intellectually exciting and engaging. YMMV

- Pray or meditate. This might work for the "believers" but not for me.

You don't believe in meditation? Well, some people find this technique helpful. They calm their minds and still the effects of the depression. As for prayer, I can't say that Heavenly Father has miraculously lifted depression from my heart every time I've prayed, but when depression had it's worst grip on me years ago prayer was one technique I used to help me not hate myself and be suicidal. YMMV

- Work it out. As I mentioned, I exercise on a regular basis.

And I'm sure it helps. Remember, my tips were to help you minimize the effects of depression. They were framed as the tools I use. I wasn't sure if they would be helpful to everyone. You didn't mention changing your surroundings, btw. Not sure if that was an oversight or intentional. I find that step also very helpful. Some of the ladies who've posted here have suggested that step can be accomplished with a new hair style or color. I think that's a great variation.

Depression will always lurk in the background of my life. And it sounds as if it lurks in your life as well. Sometimes we can be victorious over it. Sometimes we cannot. I suppose my whole point is that we must fight it with every tool we can imagine. To give into it is a kind of death. None of my tips will cure depression, but they'll help me ease its burden. If you have tips that help you I'd love to hear them.

Thanks again for a thoughtful post.

phoenix said...

I, too, have been struggling with depression for a long time (over 15 years). I was excited to find your steps for dealing with depression- I have also developed many of the same techniques over the years, and now I have more for my arsenal. I have tried most of the antidepressants out there- they tend to work for me for the first few months, and I get a taste of how good I can feel, but then they just stop working and I am back to battling the demon on my own.

I have been going thru a very stressful time right now (which of course kicks the anxiety and depression into high gear), so I was looking for support online from others who struggle with depression, since I feel like no one around me can really understand. My spouse takes it very personally, like he is responsible for it when I am depressed. It sounds like your wife is very supportive- do you have any ideas for me on how can I help my husband understand?

When I am in the midst of depression, I get very confused about my feelings- is it a false perception born of depression or is it real? Am I taking things personally and blowing things out of proportion because I am depressed or is it valid? I am constantly analyzing. Sometimes I don’t know what is really me and how much of what I feel is the depression clouding my perceptions. This confusion, along with the feeling that no one can understand, makes me tend to withdraw into myself. Does this happen to you? I put on a happy face because who wants to hang out with someone who is depressed (no one), but then I just feel like a fraud wearing a mask.

Sometimes depression wins the battle on the days I can’t break free, but overall, the techniques you have listed have been very effective in helping me beat it back down. I also have trouble with anxiety, and find that these steps are also helpful in managing that. This all helps reinforce that I am on the right track and that I am not alone. Thank you.

Douglas Cootey said...

phoenix ~ Yes, I do withdraw from time to time. I find myself often over sensitive and consequently try to minimize social contact when I'm like that to avoid difficulties.

Self-analysis is the greatest tool we can utilize to take control of our lives. To give in and say "I can't do anything about it. It's too hard to fight it." means to me more years of misery. I *must* fight depression. I know already what it's like to let it win. I won't live that way again.

I, too, use these techniques with anxiety. I used to be diagnosed with an acute anxiety disorder - even took medications for it. But it was the first disability I conquered. I don't experience panic attacks too often these days. The inclination is there, but I use analysis to defeat it.

Great comments. Thanks for posting.

Claire said...

You didn't respond to phoenix's question about helping a spouse understand. I am the spouse, trying to understand and figure out what I can do to help my husband. Short of telling him in the morning before we head off to our day "I want you to stay alive today" (aka: please don't kill yourself!), which was a suggestion from our counselor to reassure ME that he's not suicidal. Seriously, we've been at that point a couple of times. Our counselor suggested I ask him point blank if he was considering suicide, because he'd answer honestly, and I could avoid my own anxiety all day. That came up because we lost a student in my school last year (quoting her parents "she lost her battle with depression"), and that same week my husband told me he wanted to give up fighting it and just fade away. YIPE! I spent two hours at work that day (whenever students weren't in my room) bawling and praying because I was so worried. My husband has been our children's primary care provider this year, since he got fired last October (due to the depression's effects on his brain). We all want him around! Anyway, that was too long to just say: Is there anything I can do to make his depression better? Is there anything I should avoid doing to prevent it getting worse? Am I just full of myself thinking I have any affect on it whatsoever?

Douglas Cootey said...

Claire ~ You're right. I didn't address that issue. I have no idea why. Please chalk it up to AD/HD. I certainly didn't ignore it on purpose. It was a good question. In fact, it's such a good question I will base my next column on it. Would it be OK if I answered your questions there? That will be next Thursday.

Claire said...

I'll look forward to it!

Claire said...

Me again. I'm just wondering if you forgot about this topic with all your distractions. I totally get the busyness factor. I just still want to hear about what you need from your spouse, and see if it correlates to my life.

Does that make sense? I'm so self-centered!

Douglas Cootey said...

Claire ~ Me? Forget!?! Pshaw! I actually touched upon this in my other blog, The Absentminded Bookshelf. Yeah, I sort of forgot. :/

I plan on addressing this issue for you in an upcoming article. I want to research it a bit, but hope to have something for next week. Thanks for your patience.

Douglas Cootey said...

I have answered Phoenix's question here. I'll answer Claire's next. ;)

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