The Splintered Chat #7

Well, here I am. One day late and a dollar short as usual. I'm sick as a dog as they say, though as I tweeted yesterday I could say that I'm sick as a Doug — except that I go by "Douglas". I've been sick all week as a matter of fact. My sweet little six year old is now in mainstream public school and likes to share with Daddy every germ she comes in contact with. The last year and a half of home school may have had its stresses, but sickness wasn't something we really had to deal with on this level. Ouch. My poor immunity system is bruised.

At any rate, here is the next open chat. I won't post a theme this week or even start with the first comment. I'm going to let you folks take the lead. To modify the famous words of Kurt Cobain, "Here I am now. Entertain me."

Comments will close on Sunday night

Update 2/19/08 1:22:52 AM: Comments closed


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Comments

Claire said…
Once upon a time, a man and a woman fell in love. They got married, and dreamed of the wonderful life they would have together. One day, the woman noticed the man wasn't himself anymore. They began to argue and fight. He claimed not to be able to feel anything anymore. They considered divorce. They chose to get counseling instead. The man was told his brain was sick, and a long battle began. After many years of battling a disease that will not go away, the woman had to accept that the man she fell in love with is gone. In his place is a man who walks, talks, and looks like her love, but the essence of who he was is gone. It would take a miracle to bring him back. It seems that the doctors, with all they know; and the medications, in all their different combinations; can do nothing to restore the joy to the love of her life. All the little things that he used to do, the holidays and special events he never forgot, and the love that he used to show may never return. She didn't know love could mean losing so much.
February 16, 2008 1:05 PM
D.R. Cootey said…
Claire, when Depression settles in sometimes the depressive cannot deal with anything outside of their own head - so overpowering the emotions are. I really can't say for sure what your husband is dealing with since I only have your side of the situation, but it sounds to me as if he's given up, or at least is beaten up by his disabilities. Medication can only do so much if he does not have the fire in his belly to reclaim his life.

How much of this do you discuss with him? How does he respond?

~Douglas
February 16, 2008 6:14 PM
Claire said…
Discussions are few and far between right now. His hours got cut at work (from 40 to 14) since it's not a big shopping season right now. We are, however, still paying for full-time day care. The financial stress on me is overwhelming. Add grad school, and my new full-time teaching position this year, and I feel like I am the one losing my mind. When he chose not to leave me a note or get a card this Valentine's day (in 17 years, he has ALWAYS had some goofy thing, usually involving a Snoopy something or other), I realized that he is really not the same person anymore. I have been grieving ever since. Last night, for the umpteenth night in a row, he disappeared into his computer for hours. This time, I happened to glimpse that he was playing a video game (a la space invaders) when I went to pick up my grad school paper off the printer. His doctors have banned him from the computer after six PM, but he was still at it when I went to bad a little after midnight, and apparently kept it up until 3. The only way he will get better is if he takes care of himself, and he stopped doing that back after we moved in August. He got worse until he totaled the car in December, and then he fell off the cliff. I'm just not sure how many more times I can pick up the pieces again. I'm not his mother. I can't pick him up and put him to bed like I do our three year old. I sicked my mom on him today. I had to leave for grad school after a major "discussion" about last night, and couldn't stop sobbing all the way to school. I called Mum, and she talked to him when she picked up the kids (he can't handle them for a full day right now. My parents pick them up at lunch when I have to be gone all day for school). I'm exhausted, and I need to sleep now. Catch you in the morning.
February 16, 2008 7:36 PM
D.R. Cootey said…
That's really tragic, Claire. Sounds like he's spiraling downwards. He'll need several events where the light comes on and he turns his behavior around. It's just easy right now to disappear into the computer. He can shut his mind off and zone out without feeling anything. But escapism isn't the solution. He needs a wake up call, and that's what you need to pray for. Hang in there.

Douglas
February 17, 2008 1:24 AM
Claire said…
Thanks. I'm not sure how many tears I have left. At some point, I just have to get moving and do the things that keep piling up around me, because wishing he would notice and help hasn't accomplished much, and when I ask him, he acts as if
I just asked him to carry the world on his back.
February 17, 2008 1:43 PM
Claire said…
All right. The pity party is OVER. God is bigger than my husband's puny little disease. I keep saying it. It's time to start living like I believe it.

So there.

Take that, depression. If I'm gonna be mad, it's at the disease, not the person.
February 18, 2008 8:52 PM
D.R. Cootey said…
Way to go, Claire! I can't say what's going through your husband's head, but you can't help him if you are overwhelmed. If you love him, and you want the relationship to work, you'll need to guide him as best you can. After all, is the alternative better?

Good luck.

~Douglas
February 19, 2008 1:13 AM
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