A Splintered Mind

Since identifying that Depression had sunk its hooks in me , I've been making a transformation in my life. First, I stopped wearing black and listening to The Cure, and I started wearing sepia and listening to Bluegrass & Country tunes about lost dreams to really brighten my day. "Whiskey Lullaby" , "I Can't Love You Anymore" , "If I Die Young" , "Ghost In this House" , and "Hurt" gave me that little extra oomph I needed. So bring on the pain, let it kill your memory. Bring on the rain, let it drown what's left of you and me. I know the only way I'm ever gonna make it, is burying the best of us even though it's killing me. 'Cuz I don't love you any less, but I can't love you anymore. Let me tell you. It's the small things that make a BIG difference. Wow. Am I happier… Actually, I am happier. I fixed my bike flat and made myself go out for a ride on Friday. It was the first time out of ...

Last week I went through a bit of a funk after a negative review came in. I did this last January as well. Now, I have to ask myself: Why on earth am I pursuing a process filled with a steep learning curve, a tall unscalable wall of rejection, and more disappointments than a new TV season, if I suffer from Depression ? Am I going to have to call the Samaritans Hotline every time I get a rejection in the mail? Am I made of tasty but frangible pizzelle cookies ? (Is that reference too abstruse? I just learned the name of my favorite Italian cookie, and I had to work it in somewhere (Is "abstruse" too obscure? I just discovered that word, and I had to work it in somewhere as well.)) I shouldn't need to surround myself with family members and gaze upon unicorns and rainbows for buoyancy before opening a letter from an agent, publisher, or reviewer. Considering the last bout of rejection occurred nine months ago, I'm doing alright. I believe this because I am deter...

I received word back on my story from my author friend last week. It was not what I had hoped for. In a very few sentences he outlined what he thought was wrong with my manuscript. "Present the things [your main character] doesn't believe in some chronological order, and show him developing, changing in some way.  You can keep the poetic nature of the manuscript, but if you add a plot arch it will be a lot more fun.  A lot more meaningful." To which I replied, "Argh!!!!" Everything he said was missing I thought was already there. As I saw it, the main character's beliefs were laid out in a chronological order. They did develop and change. He went from believing his brother's tall tales to doubting them, then disbelieving them, then getting even by making his own. That's what made up the plot arch. Ironically, I thought the plot arch was so obvious that I worried it might be too heavy handed. As for the poetic nature of the manuscript, I hadn...

Since recently deciding to rededicate myself to the pursuit of getting published, I have purchased a variety of short story magazines such as Analog and Realms of Fantasy , as well as the Alfred Hitchcock and Ellery Queen mystery magazines. I like genre fiction, and wouldn't mind writing some, but wanted to know what the field was like. It has been over a decade since I purchased and read adult genre fiction. I've read some very fascinating stories. Some I even liked. I'm not sure if any of it swayed me from the juvenile fiction path I've been on for the last decade or so. The weirdest fiction for me was not paranormal romance, however, though they certainly creep me out. It wasn't the hive-minded zombie story or the vampiric tango story, either. It was a super hero story. Short stories based on comic book concepts? That was what we called fanfic twenty years ago. Wouldn't they work better as actual graphic novels? Apparently not. It didn't work for m...

Finally the apartment is growing still. With two kids up sick, the Leprechaun thought it was a vacation night again. Everyone except my wife was up late. With them all finally in bed, perhaps now I can get to writing. One thing I have learned in undertaking this project is that I cannot write when the kids are up. I'm not like those other supermom authors out there, with a baby on the hip, one hand on the laptop henpecking away, and food a'cookin' on the stove with their toes while they arrange on the phone play dates with other mothers. They are rare, magical creatures to me.  No matter how much I want to deny it, my ADHD limits my ability to multitask . I can do only one thing at a time. If I am on duty I must keep alert. In order to write or draw I must be immersed. The two are not compatible. My trick will be learn to accelerate task switching, dipping in and out of immersion so that I can do both. Or clone myself, but then I'd have to share the byline with mys...

The ADHD Debate Is Over Apparently It's that time of year again. ADHD Awareness Week . Thankfully, my Twitter stream reminded me since it had completely slipped my mind. Again. You'd think I had ADHD or something. Yes, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder is real . More real than a fishnet filled with Nessie. More real than world peace. Even more real than Obama's $500 rebate check. Somewhere an adult with ADHD you know is quietly suffering because he put the milk in the cupboard again, impulsively told his Jewish boss that one about the Rabbi and the Priest and the brothel, or purchased 27 tins of Liquorice Altoids because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now when you throw your hands in the air and exclaim at your forgetful coworker, "What on earth is wrong with you?!" you may be surprised to learn there is an answer.  You can learn more about ADHD Awareness Week at http://www.adhdawareness2010.org/ . They claim the debate is over. I'm not sur...

When I was a very young boy there was an ad on TV that captured my fancy. The product was for a now defunct breath mint called "Dynamints". In the ad, beautiful people would pop a Dynamint in their mouth, then the world would shake with the very flavor of it. I recall a pyramid of cheerleaders and a guy at the bottom foolishly sampling the geological potency of the mint and causing the pyramid to crumble. This was very convincing to my five or six year old mind. One day I was spending time with my grandmother and I talked her into buying me the magical mints that "shake up your mouth". I remember sitting in the back of her olive green Dodge Charger, opening the coveted package, and carefully tasting one of these amazing objects. Nothing happened. As I sat there disillusioned, I recall seeing her bemused face in the rearview mirror. She was actually chuckling while she stared upon the ruin of my childhood innocence. Years later, Pop Rocks would provide me a mor...

So what have I been doing since August 31st? I've been thinking a lot about what worked and what didn't work for me with my last gig. ADHD occasionally wreaked havoc. Depression reared its mangy head from time to time, but over all my insomnia, health, and tic disorder where the most debilitating. I couldn't do anything about the tic disorder, but I could do something about the other two. For the past three weeks I've been on a diet of discarded sunflower seeds and distilled water. Yummy! OK, I'm kidding. For the past three weeks I've been following the Forever Fit plan, and I've lost about 16lbs. My goal is to get down to 225lbs by the end of September—only 9.4lbs away. Already I am healthier. I biked 30 miles last week and I'm eating better. In fact, one interesting side-effect of eating every three hours as the diet calls for is that I've reduced my ticking. The diet is heavy on protein, which I already knew helped abate my ticking episod...

If you've been following my escapades over at ADDaboy! , you'll know that I recently quit blogging over there so that I could focus on my book writing. I promised more details later, and now is later. I started off the year with a big goal . I wanted to write a picture book, a chapter book, and a novel by the time I turned 44 in December. I figured this would be a good way to determine which format suited me best. This seemed a foolhardy goal to some, but I knew I would learn important things about myself if I undertook a massive goal. Since being the first 43 year old to travel around the world in an inflatable raft seemed an unlikely goal to achieve, due in no small part to not owning a raft, I opted to pursue the former goal. Then I was given the opportunity to work for HealthyPlace.com . It seemed like a good idea at the time. I would write regularly, proving a point to myself, and I would get paid to write. It wasn't much of a payment, but it was something and boy...