My Brain Has a Flat, but I'm Jammin' the Tunes, So I'm OK

SpokesSince identifying that Depression had sunk its hooks in me, I've been making a transformation in my life. First, I stopped wearing black and listening to The Cure, and I started wearing sepia and listening to Bluegrass & Country tunes about lost dreams to really brighten my day. "Whiskey Lullaby", "I Can't Love You Anymore", "If I Die Young", "Ghost In this House", and "Hurt" gave me that little extra oomph I needed.

So bring on the pain, let it kill your memory.
Bring on the rain, let it drown what's left of you and me.
I know the only way I'm ever gonna make it,
is burying the best of us even though it's killing me.
'Cuz I don't love you any less,
but I can't love you anymore.

Let me tell you. It's the small things that make a BIG difference. Wow. Am I happier…

Actually, I am happier. I fixed my bike flat and made myself go out for a ride on Friday. It was the first time out of the home in days and cemented the turning point. I tend to listen to dance music to pick my spirits up. With a set of vocal trance tracks loaded up on my iPhone, I just rode until my heart felt as if it would burst, and I loved every moment of it.

Today I'm feeling a bit down again due to a severe bout of insomnia over the weekend, so I'll be heading out for another bike ride in a few moments. 

Friday night: 2.5 hours
Saturday night: 5.5 hours
Sunday: 4 hour nap
Sunday night: 3 hours

Oh yeah, irregular sleep is completely optimal for productivity and happiness. I won't push as hard today on the bike for fear riding until my heart bursts might not be a good thing to achieve, but getting out will do me a galaxy of good. And in another attempt to stick Depression in the eye, I have set a writing goal for the day:

I will finish chapter four in #snkrz today


The only way to get to the end of this race is to stop sitting under the tree as a spectator and get up and ride. Today is crucial for overcoming Depression. If I don't offset the sadness by force of will, it will become the only thing I feel again. Then I won't even be a spectator. 

Off to the races!

Update: My bike has another flat, dang it!


Next time: What Dave Farland told me about ADHD.
  
 
Follow me on Twitter for my ADHD escapades at @SplinteredMind or my novel writing project over at @DouglasCootey. And if you're a glutton for punishment you can friend me on Facebook as well.


   

Somewhat Liked Posts

Traveler's Notebook Distractions and ADHD eBay Blunders

Image
I joined the Midori Traveler’s Notebook (TN) club this past Summer. I missed the big blogging heyday about them around 2012 to 2015 when the Internet seem to explode over this nifty little notebook system, but I was all about digital back then. I loved my iPhone and didn’t feel a need to go analog. Recently, though, I noticed some artists doing inspiring things in their TNs, and I thought this could be the kick in the pants I needed to fit sketching back into my life. I started small with one notebook insert with a leather cover. Only when I noted that I was actually using it, I invested in more inserts. The only feature it was missing for me was a ToDo list insert, but nobody made one. And thus I began my journey yesterday into DIY Notebook Hell. With ADHD as my guide, I boldly discovered blog after blog of incredibly ornate notebook inserts that people made for themselves because the official ones were just “too expensive”. Since you can get official ones fo...
Continue Reading…

Setting a New Stage

Image
I've come to the decision that I need to blog again. I've filled over a dozen journals in the past two years, but I find myself stagnating despite all the wonderful conversations I've had with myself. When your voice is the only one you hear, you have nothing but an echo chamber even if the echoes sound insightful. I'll still journal, but I feel I'm ready to look outside of myself again as I used to do. Returning to a weekly schedule might be a bit much at this time, but I'll do my best. It's a good goal to work towards. To start, I've chosen a new blog template. Nothing fancy. Only the best prefab templates for me. I'd rather put my efforts into writing than coding, though I imagine I won't be able to help myself over time. Now if only I could figure out why comments aren't working. They've been MIA for years. ~Dˢ  
Continue Reading…

About Me

Image
Celebrating Year Nine I’m Douglas Cootey, and I’ve been blogging here since 2 January 2005 . Before that I blogged for years into a tiny text file called “what’s_new.html” and hosted it on a site so old not even archive.org remembers it very well. I would update that blog via telnet using vi on a 1200 baud modem. It was very exciting. I started out blogging about mental health in order to accomplish three goals: First, I wanted to overcome the stigma.  I couldn’t talk about my ADHD  or Depression  without feeling shame. The method I used to overcome this was self-deprecating humor and honesty—a method that continues to work well for me.  Next, I wanted to reach out to others who shared my issues.   My blog has reached thousands of people, many of who don't comment because the mental health stigma is strong. However, many of whom send me emails thanking me from time to time for something that I have written. I have learned so much from thei...
Continue Reading…