Frustration Mingled with Apathy Equals Bona Fide Unhappiness

I stayed up late last night to work out final details on a logo for a client. I've been very excited to work on this assignment. The client, Mindy, is my daughter's former singing instructor. What a busy lady she is. She has a dance studio in her basement with over a hundred students. Has over 30 students for singing instruction, she's involved with local productions, and she just picked up a gig as the Cheetah Girls vocal coach. Somewhere in there she finds time to raise her son. Frankly, I don't know how she does it, but I aimed to find out. That's why this assignment is so important to me. I want a peek into her busy world to see how she juggles it all.

The problem is that Home Schooling has taken a greater toll on my time than I had anticipated. I've also had bout after bout with viruses. I'm so blasted sick all the time. And nevermind all the downtime because of my tic disorder. These events have drawn out this assignment longer than I feel comfortable with. So I'm feeling down about that, and down about not hooking up with her today because her schedule changed, even though she's not worried about it. Not only that, but there is a part of me that believes that even if Mindy were to share her secrets of productivity with me I would not be able to utilize them.

So there is genuine disappointment, but there is also the cursed Depression with apathy and self-doubt creeping in at the corners. The Depression is really irritating me. I want to be in control of me, not my chemical imbalance. I am so tired of time wasted in sadness. So I push it off again and  again. Really, what choice do I have? If I want to succeed I must conquer my greatest enemy: myself. 

Comments

Anonymous said…
I know what it's like to have the urgent take over from the important. I have far too much crammed in to my week this week (five days of work, 7am to 4 pm, with a one hour commute tacked on to make it 6-5; Church rehearsal Tuesday night, grad school wednesday night, Parent-Teacher Conferences (I'm the teacher so I can't skip them!) Thurday night; A creative memories workshop Saturday morning (I'm the consultant, so I can't skip it!); and church on Sunday (I'm the piano player, so I can't skip it!), back to a 12 hour day of parent-teacher conferences on Monday.) Uff da, as we say in Minnesota. On top of all that, my husband works evenings and Saturdays around my schedule, so we never see each other.

The important things to me are my marrige, my kids, and my relationship with God. All those things are taking a backseat to the urgent things that I put on my calendar (without enough white space to really feel like a human being and not a machine).

I'm looking forward to Wednesday next week, when I have the whole day off to bake pies for Thanksgiving. I think I'll make an extra one just to eat myself. . . lemon meringue, perhaps!

:)

Hang in there. We all go through it. We all come out the other side. Don't let the black monster take hold . . .

Originally posted on November 14, 2006 8:38 PM
April 02, 2007 11:35 PM
D.R. Cootey said…
Thanks for the kind words. I'm sorry I didn't see them last November, but they mean a lot to me anyway. I'm glad I don't write too many of those types of entries. Bit of a downer, actually. I'm usually more upbeat than that.
April 02, 2007 11:39 PM
blog49 said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
February 08, 2008 1:49 AM
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