A Splintered Mind

On September 21st, I took part in my very first Sketchcrawl . Since no one was putting a meet together here in Salt Lake City, I thought I'd try my hand at it. I set the place and set the time, then I went there even though I knew my daughters and I were likely to be the only ones attending. You have no idea how hard it was for me to do that. I've been lurking on the Sketchcrawl site for three years and never attended a single event. I was too petrified to draw in front of people. I knew my work would be terrible. I've never been able to draw in front of people. Figure Drawing class at MassArt was a disaster. If I was drawing en plein air, all drawing would come to a stop as soon as somebody came around the corner. Heaven help me if they actually walked over to look at what I was doing. I gave up on public drawing in 1989. I tried again nine years ago, but it was a disaster as well. I just couldn't get into the work. Yet scenes like the one in the photograph above ...

Generally speaking, I'm constantly short on cash and must save up over a long period of time for my toys. So I find myself in a quandary. My daughter heads off to college with my MacBook in April (as I promised her), but my savings account isn't quite MacBook Pro/Air ready yet. What to do? Apple, sensing my need, released the iPad upon the world. The clouds parted. The tech was slick. It was only $499. I was set. Or was I? Had I found my solution, or was I just on another ADHD fueled hunt again ? I use my MacBook for reading news, researching my novel, reading news, blogging, writing my novel, and reading news. I also manage my network & files with it, as well as download an obscene amount of TV content from all over the world. The iPad can easily let me read news, research, and with a VNC app, it can even let me manage my files remotely from my Mac mini, but can I write a book on it? I asked myself that very question weeks ago. The first problem I conceived was the...

If you haven't had a chance yet, you might want to head on over to my ADDaboy! blog and check out Post It! Stick It! Remember It! Thanks to a reader comment here on this blog , I decided to explore how useful Post-it notes are, both physical and virtual. Sometimes ADHD has me so funnel visioned that I don't fully understand a comment somebody says to me. Ever experience that? So focused on one thing you misunderstand what you read or hear? In this case, reader Sy raved about Post-It notes. I don't use Post-It notes. I used to, but stopped years ago. I go into why over at ADDaboy! So I responded to Sy's comment as if it was a good idea for other people. But as I thought about it, I realized I use a wide variety of Post-It-esque apps and have since 1994. They're just on my computers. Then I realized I actually do use Post-Its, but in their flag form! Where was my head? Where it usually is. Off in orbit around Pluto. These two products are my absolute favorites: Brigh...

I recently had the chance to read an advanced reader copy of Heather Webber’s “truly, madly” This book was a delightful read. I enjoyed the characters right from the first chapter, but I enjoyed the premise even more. Lucy Valentine’s family has long been able to matchmake by use of their psychic skills to read auras, and they amassed a fortune in the process. Unfortunately, Lucy lost this power when she was fourteen due to an electric shock. Ever since then her psychic power has been to locate lost items. Hardly the talent needed to run a matchmaking business, yet that’s exactly what she has to do when her father takes an unexpected leave out of the country. The dialogue was snappy and sassy, the romance keen, and the plot moved along quickly. Webber balanced the pacing well without bogging the story down with the different plot lines. There was a smattering of vulgar language, giving this novel a strong PG rating. The novel also dealt with sexual tension, but in a sensual, teasin...

I had a mixed day today. Some ups; some downs. I finally got over the sickness that's been pounding me down like a tent peg. I had a wonderful conversation with my oldest daughter about her college opportunities. Then I forgot to pick up my second oldest daughter because I was talking with the oldest daughter. I guess that's what they call a wash. I spent my writing time in Barnes & Noble struggling with their WiFi and then writing a flippant letter in reply to a sarcastic one I received from some customer support worker bee. On the surface, not such a great day. There were other failures as well. But I don't care about any of that. I worked in my chapter book today(!) and pulled myself out of the bog of revision I had been stuck in for weeks. I wrote new material and became excited about the story again. This was a delightful development. I also prewrote my two columns for ADDaboy! for next week—a major accomplishment. I will have no writing now except for my own all ...

In the spirit of self-mockery that I have upkept over the years here, I wrote: Keep Tabs on Your Goods with the ADHD Fuddy Duddy System™ I cover two simple steps that I mostly follow (when I remember) to keep track of my goodies without leaving them behind in train stations, school rooms, and parking lots. Or Target electronics counters. A cane is a three foot long shiny piece of wood, yet I left it and my keys on the counter as I walked away with my purchase. My fifteen year old came up behind me with them and had a good laugh at my expense. I would have noticed they were gone…when I couldn't get into my car. That reminds me. I have no idea where all my Ray Ban Wayfarer IIs went. Expensive little things. I finally stopped replacing them in the mid 90s. Then I went to work for Dillard's part-time in 2002 and could buy a pair on a discount. I saved up, made my purchase, and dropped them on the pavement a few days later. Wouldn't you know they sought out the roughest par...

Up on ADDaboy! is my latest article for HealthyPlace.com: Six Ways to Help Your ADHD Loved One's Forgetfulness Last week I wrote to people who might be reluctant to believe in this so called ADHD stuff . I used the evidence that is my life to prove that ADHD is real and that we couldn't remember something if it was taped to our nose and blocked our vision. This week I had some tips for them to try to reach through the fog and connect with the few working brain cells of their ADHD loved ones to help them not be so forgetful. Well, the loved ones are going to be forgetful. That much is a lost cause. But there are ways to remind them that are more effective than others. I think you might like the article. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think. In the meantime, I am heading off to bed. Sickness has ravaged my body like old age through a nursing home. When I awake, I will write in my work in progress and be happy. But for now, I am feeling several dozen different kin...

Clearer and clearer I am seeing my sleep difficulties as my greatest obstacle towards reaching my writing goals. Although I accomplished much last night, I am paying the cost today. I missed attending Life, the Universe, and Everything this year. I missed seeing friends, old and new. I missed great discussions and fascinating presentations. I may even miss the date tonight with my wife. Beyond just being upside down from the rest of the world, I am fatigued and listless—ill equipped to fight off illness, both physical & mental. I sit here absolutely loopy, unable to do much more than interact with family as they buzz around me while I pour thoughts out into my Twitter timeline. How did I get to this pitiful state? In brief, I was up until 6am because I watched Groundhog Day, Smallville, read Saun Tan's Tales of Suburbia, trolled the web briefly, and spent some time painting a small surprise for my wife. I then laid in bed staring at the ceiling for an hour. Sometime after 7:30a...

While I work on my Words Per Day article (where I interviewed various authors about their daily goals), I thought I'd post a photo and some links. I was surprised how empty Target was when I took this shot. If anything shows the downturn in the economy, this 9:45pm shot does. Target is usually hopping until closing. It' a metaphor for my life at the moment: All stocked up with no action. I need to infuse some life back into my existence. That's why I've decided to attend Life, the Universe, and Everything this Friday & Saturday. I haven't attended that symposium since at least 1997. I figure I should have the first chapter of Sneakers finished and under my belt by Thursday night. It's a good goal. Building Communities - You've probably read lots of articles on how to create phenomenal blog popularity, but have you seen the advice hand drawn and illustrated? I love Suzanne Cabrera's work. So spontaneous and fresh. I would give my eye teeth and two le...

I want to thank all who participated in The Dark Divine giveaway contest . Your answers were interesting & entertaining. I wish I had more copies to give away. I put your names in my virtual hat and pulled out "Nihon Joe". Congratulations! Fortunately, Nihon Joe is a local reader and I was able to hand the winning book off to him on Saturday. Now to scrounge up some change and mail off the other books that were won by readers. If you are one of the winners, please harass me via email so that I remember to get your book out to you. Today I will begin working on my middle grade novel which I have labelled #snkrz . It's short for "Sneakers", who is a cat of unique abilities. Look for tweets with that hashtag as I chart my progress. My goal is to have a first draft done in time for the UVU Forum on Children's Literature.

Update 2016: This article was featured in my book "Saying NO to Suicide" , with added commentary. There are times when life can be overwhelming. Usually, trauma, injury, death, or heartbreak can knock normally upbeat people off their stride. Then there are people such as myself whose brains are wired in curious, but dysfunctional, ways. We tend to get knocked off our stride if the wind’s blowing the wrong way. Speaking for myself, I am often frustrated how fragile my mind seems. Not hearty or rugged, but delicate and easily crumpled. This tends to make me angry at myself, so I overcompensate in some alpha male way like exercising or attacking a pile of clutter. This leads me to something I came across last month. There’s been a tab I’ve kept up in my browser for weeks. I’ve wanted to write about it here, but wasn’t sure how to approach it. It’s an article about Depression and fanboys and coping with reality. The problem was that my blog isn't just about mental healt...

Last night at this time I was standing in line to get a burger. Tonight I'm lying down in bed trying to turn my sleep schedule around. If you follow me here or on Twitter, you know what a raving insomniac I am. After a bout of sickness last December, my schedule was flipped far out of control—even worse than the moon in Space: 1999. Without the benefit of a cute Mia with mannish sideburns to magically fix things, I've been left to my upside down fate.  I've worked hard on the project this month, and that has only made the schedule worse as I did all my heavy writing in the still hours of the night and made a habit of it. But I can't keep on this way. This is why I've stayed up for 26 hours. I'm finally tired and ready to crash. It seems to me that I will need to make flipping my schedule a priority for the next few days. I truly feel my insomnia is a key obstacle in my life. Sleep fatigue makes ADHD & my motor tic disorder worse. It dampens my writing as wel...

First thing I saw when I woke up yesterday was a new email from the agent. Unfortunately, it is not good news. Turns out that although the agent agrees with me that my revisions have improved the story, he isn't sure my story is strong enough to capture a publisher's attention, which could simply mean he's not that excited about representing the story. Or the story isn't his cup of tea. Or the story stinks. There were no more helpful suggestions. End of the road with this particular agent. I will be getting a lot of this kind of news throughout the year if I'm serious about this project . Since I manage Depression I am always on the lookout for triggers. Events that might disappoint a person with a healthy mind may send a depressive into a deep well of misery. By keeping tabs on my feelings I can prevent myself from slipping into a funk when I recognize the signs. It wasn't until this afternoon as I read the rejection that I suddenly realized I had set myself u...

As my little nightowls retire to their nests, the home becomes my silent domain again. In the quiet, I can finally think. Tonight I am thinking about the manuscript I finished on Saturday. I polished it throughout the day, then again at night. I felt confident enough about the story to email it to the agent who gave me suggestions last time. I don't know why, but this feels different than my magazine and web page gigs. The funny thing is that the manuscript is a short, wee sprig of words. My last article was nine times longer, a veritable tree in comparison. What's to worry about? It's not as if I've never heard "No thanks" before. In the past, however, I would worry. Adults with ADHD tend to have low self-esteem, robbing them of the tools they need to succeed. I'll be writing about this problem over at ADDaboy! later this week. Thankfully, I'm not having a problem with self-esteem. I'm actually quite excited. When I received the rejection f...