Week Two in the Process: Evaluating the Importance of This Blog
In which Douglas contemplates his binary navel.
One thing I noticed now that I've mentally put my blog on the back burner is that I am awfully dedicated to something that doesn't do anything for me. I refer, of course, to earning money, the universal validator of purpose and relevance. However, if I wanted to blog for money, I certainly wouldn't blog here. I know you folks don't click on the Google ads. If I just wanted money, I'd update my Bear Grylls blog which earns money through Google ads and Amazon.com affiliate purchases each and every month. But I don't update that blog. Instead I blog here.
That doesn't sound smart. Why do I blog here?
Frankly, I feel like I've got a free lemonade stand on the side of the Information Super Highway. People expect the stand to be there when they feel like dropping by. They also expect the lemonade to taste the same as the last time they visited. If my current lemonade has a faint hint of Depression and they were expecting the sparkling flavor of spicy ADHD, then I lose them. Same if it's the other way around. The majority of readers aren't here to learn more about Douglas Cootey. They just want some more lemonade, and only when they're in the mood for it. The end result is that I stay still while my readers move on with their lives.
That can't be any fun. So why do I blog here?
Roughly 3000 people a month drop by for my quirky flavored lemonade. Most don't bother letting me know what they think of it. They just drink and go. I have no idea one way or another what it is they enjoy here or why some never drop by again. This bothers me sometimes, especially when I'm paying attention to stats. For example, I'm down 30 subscribers from last month, but then I don't know why I was up 30 subscribers to begin with.
That doesn't sound like fun, either. So why do I blog here?
The readers who do take time to comment truly make my day. I love feedback. Even the negative kind is better than silence. My need for feedback means I don't just blog for myself. I blog to be heard.
Ah, so I blog for feedback, I blog to express myself, and I blog to be heard. Is that enough, though?
Lately, I feel by writing about my weaknesses all the time I am allowing them to define me.
I don't believe that is a good path towards success. My message, that you can master your disabilities without psych meds by utilizing optimism, humor, determination, and a large dose of self-analysis, is meaningless to many people. They like their psych meds. They feel the meds are worth the risk of side-effects. They need solutions now, not ten years down the road as I have done. And besides, who am I but just another guy with an opinion?
If I really want that opinion to have any weight then I will need to find success - financial success. This will mean taking my disabilities on in a way that is more intense than I have ever attempted. It will mean finding success outside of my blog in a way that is national, not local. I have current freelance work. I've also had art published in England, and my scrapbook papers have been sold around the world, but none of it has built to a critical mass. Each success seems detached from the other. In the end, I'm still just this guy.
Since I want more for myself, and since I am determined not to let my disabilities define me, I must simply roll up my sleeves and work harder. I'm glad I'm taking time to analyze just how terribly ADHD interferes with my productivity. Instead of just rolling with it day by day, I'm stepping back and seeing things in a new light.
Lastly, I want to thank all my readers for their subscriptions and comments and time. I know you are busy and I appreciate every one of you. I'm not going anywhere. The Splintered Mind is one of the most successful things I have ever done in my life. I have touched thousands of people while coming to terms with my own limitations. It has been a good experience for me and I'm glad for the opportunity. I just think it is time I grow here to incorporate my new goals. This blog needs to be part of the creative process for me, not separate from it. I'm just not entirely sure how I'll bridge the gap, though, and not lose readers, but I have some great ideas.
One thing I noticed now that I've mentally put my blog on the back burner is that I am awfully dedicated to something that doesn't do anything for me. I refer, of course, to earning money, the universal validator of purpose and relevance. However, if I wanted to blog for money, I certainly wouldn't blog here. I know you folks don't click on the Google ads. If I just wanted money, I'd update my Bear Grylls blog which earns money through Google ads and Amazon.com affiliate purchases each and every month. But I don't update that blog. Instead I blog here.That doesn't sound smart. Why do I blog here?
Frankly, I feel like I've got a free lemonade stand on the side of the Information Super Highway. People expect the stand to be there when they feel like dropping by. They also expect the lemonade to taste the same as the last time they visited. If my current lemonade has a faint hint of Depression and they were expecting the sparkling flavor of spicy ADHD, then I lose them. Same if it's the other way around. The majority of readers aren't here to learn more about Douglas Cootey. They just want some more lemonade, and only when they're in the mood for it. The end result is that I stay still while my readers move on with their lives.
That can't be any fun. So why do I blog here?
Roughly 3000 people a month drop by for my quirky flavored lemonade. Most don't bother letting me know what they think of it. They just drink and go. I have no idea one way or another what it is they enjoy here or why some never drop by again. This bothers me sometimes, especially when I'm paying attention to stats. For example, I'm down 30 subscribers from last month, but then I don't know why I was up 30 subscribers to begin with.
That doesn't sound like fun, either. So why do I blog here?
The readers who do take time to comment truly make my day. I love feedback. Even the negative kind is better than silence. My need for feedback means I don't just blog for myself. I blog to be heard.
Ah, so I blog for feedback, I blog to express myself, and I blog to be heard. Is that enough, though?
Lately, I feel by writing about my weaknesses all the time I am allowing them to define me.
I don't believe that is a good path towards success. My message, that you can master your disabilities without psych meds by utilizing optimism, humor, determination, and a large dose of self-analysis, is meaningless to many people. They like their psych meds. They feel the meds are worth the risk of side-effects. They need solutions now, not ten years down the road as I have done. And besides, who am I but just another guy with an opinion?
If I really want that opinion to have any weight then I will need to find success - financial success. This will mean taking my disabilities on in a way that is more intense than I have ever attempted. It will mean finding success outside of my blog in a way that is national, not local. I have current freelance work. I've also had art published in England, and my scrapbook papers have been sold around the world, but none of it has built to a critical mass. Each success seems detached from the other. In the end, I'm still just this guy.
Since I want more for myself, and since I am determined not to let my disabilities define me, I must simply roll up my sleeves and work harder. I'm glad I'm taking time to analyze just how terribly ADHD interferes with my productivity. Instead of just rolling with it day by day, I'm stepping back and seeing things in a new light.
Lastly, I want to thank all my readers for their subscriptions and comments and time. I know you are busy and I appreciate every one of you. I'm not going anywhere. The Splintered Mind is one of the most successful things I have ever done in my life. I have touched thousands of people while coming to terms with my own limitations. It has been a good experience for me and I'm glad for the opportunity. I just think it is time I grow here to incorporate my new goals. This blog needs to be part of the creative process for me, not separate from it. I'm just not entirely sure how I'll bridge the gap, though, and not lose readers, but I have some great ideas.
Comments
I'm finding reading about this process you're going through right now very interesting, as it does parallel some work I've done on myself (and continue to do). I did it first with my possessions - I had four times as much craft supplies as I needed, so I decided I should choose the few that I actually do and only keep materials for those. I applied that philosophy to most of my stuff, and life is a lot lighter now.
Time is harder. I get sidetracked really easily, or just lose track of the time. But I do my best. I have a schedule in my Palm Pilot and a list of things to do each day, all prioritized. I'm trying to get things under control now, while I'm still unmarried, because once I am (we aren't engaged yet, but hope to be soon) there will eventually be children, and I want to homeschool. Yes, I'm insane.
I think we (meaning ADHDers) get so distracted because life is so danged interesting! I'm at least marginally interested in pretty well everything, which makes information overload pretty common (and makes the Internet my nemesis as well as my best friend). So I try to focus on a few main interests, choosing them from topics that I've been interested in for a long time, things that I tend to hyperfocus on anyhow. That way I can get off on a tangent but still be productive, because at least I'm learning about one of my primary interests! :D
I've discovered, especially lately, that it's all in how you look at things, how you treat yourself, and what you value. I work with autistic children and my SO has Asperger Syndrome (undiagnosed but very obvious), and I think this perspective has come about because of my associations with these people. I can identify so well with them that I'm able to find ways to help them that also help me.
And I'm beginning to ramble, so I'll stop now (though I bet you don't mind the rambling).
Excellent comment. I'm really glad you took the time to leave your thoughts here. Life is too darned interesting. For those of us with poor filtering mechanisms in our minds, we get overloaded or pulled off in various and sundry directions.
Although many of us will go through this process of pruning and prioritizing continually through our lives, ADHD people seem to specialize in collecting mental clutter. We pile on new projects at dizzying rates and commit our time to torturous schedules. I don't imagine I'll actually stop doing that. However, this time I wanted to use a surgical knife instead of a meat cleaver when I started the pruning process. Maybe I can learn from it so that I can live with greater focus.
(I share your art materials problem. For years I bought supplies in lieu of actually drawing - an emotional and subconscious substitute. I ended up with quite the collection of tools, but not so much art to show for it. ;)
~Douglas
I appreciate the comment. I'll tread carefully. I just want to make sure I'm working smarter instead of working blindly. I've actually learned quite a bit this time. (...since these posts were written last week and I've had more time to think.)
I'm starting to regret the lemonade stand analogy. I was just commenting on the state of blogging and how it related to me. I hadn't intended to make people feel guilty.
Thanks for commenting.
~Douglas
Unfortunately, I love feedback. The conversation is as important to me as the message. It was one of the reasons I started blogging - to connect with others - to hear different viewpoints - to help me develop better perspective. From a selfish viewpoint, blogging as a one way medium has it's upsides, but because I was interested in rooting out all feelings of self-pity when I began this journey, I needed to hear from others' life experiences so that I would know - really know - that not only am I not alone in my struggles, but that I'm not that special either. Caring for others has helped me gain a better outlook on my own disabilities.
Thanks for commenting.
FishermansDaughter ~ Thank you. I'm glad you came out of lurk mode, too. You succinctly summarized what I was feeling.
The exchange of ideas is illuminating. It is also a key component to how I fight Depression. Isolation for me is death. I have to force myself out there, too.
~Douglas
Hope to see you around again. Thanks for commenting.
~Douglas