Thirteen Things I Can't Do When I'm Ticking
I'm going to try hard to NOT sound maudlin, pitiful, and pathetic, but I'm having a hard time today and need to do something drastic. I'm so neurologically off I can't even walk well. But I can sit in front of a computer and vegetate. I believe I've done enough of that today. So instead of doing that for the rest of the night I'm going to write this Thursday Thirteen entry up, take some notes on my next article on punctuality and the punctuality police, sketch as best as I can, and watch a movie with my daughters.
I am sharing here, but I do not want your sympathy. Please do not feel sorry for me. No teary eyed comments. No snide comments either. I am coping, albeit grumpily. Tomorrow will be a new day and I'm positive that this ticking episode will end soon. It's just that pulling off Christmas took it's toll on me.
Here we go - a list of things I wish I could do right now but can't because I'm experiencing what I call a "Slow Tic" day (when messages from my mind to the rest of my body seem to be passed by carrier pigeons with ADHD).
- Can't talk with my daughters or wife because I sound like Max Headroom with Alzheimer's Disease.
- Can't walk well because my right foot insists on curling.
- Can't dance away the Christmas pounds. See above.
- Can't play the pennywhistle.
- Can't play my Chromonica.
- Can't draw well. Oh, it's baaaaad.
- Can't get out of my own way.
- Can't handle noise at all today.
- Can't pull myself away from my Mac tucked away deep inside my studio in the basement.
- Can't stop snacking. What is it with ticking and snacking? Especially intense flavors. I almost crave those flavors, from spicy hot ramen to sour candies, when I am ticking. I wonder if it's my brain trying to fend off depression...
- Can't focus very well. My mind is flitting from subject to subject like a strung out butterfly hooked on buttercups.
- Can't be productive. That really bothers me. This exercise is helping me cognitively and I'm kicking myself for not having thought of it earlier. Of course, I can't kick myself very well. No coordination. So I wave my leg at myself and call it good.
- Can't imagine how I'm going to post on other people's Thursday Thirteens tonight. I'm so out of it I know I'll end up sticking my digital foot into my binary mouth. But if I don't post on other TTs I'll miss the swarm. Guess I'll resign myself to missing the swarm and post thoughtful comments tomorrow. I can't bring myself to leave empty "Happy TT" comments instead.
I don't feel sorry for myself. Just frustrated. Time is so precious. I hate to waste it. And now maybe I can go do something with my night, even if I have to hobble physically and mentally around. This list made me angry. I am tired of having life robbed from me because of disabilities.
One purpose for my blog is to reach out to others who are discouraged because of their disabilities. I've focused on AD/HD, Depression, and Motor Tic Disorders, but any type of disability can be discouraging. The mental ones seem to be hardest, however, because they lack sympathy and understanding in our fellow man. I blogged about it two years ago when I broke my toe. So I want to share with people my struggle so they become inspired. They don't have to buy into the lie that they need a psychiatrist and his medications to cope with life for the rest of their life. They don't have to buy into the lie that they are a loser and useless either. We have the power in ourselves to do more than we think.
Sometimes we forget that, as I forgot that today, because we are so busy struggling with our problems. However, positive thinking won't make me magically stop ticking, but it will help my mindset so that I cope with the ticking better. Already I can sense a change inside myself and I'm anxious to act on it.
If you blog, please tell me thirteen things about yourself and link it here. Oh, and try to refrain from linking here if you don't have a Thursday Thirteen post. I'll just end up removing your link.
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
Like reading The Splintered Mind? Share articles with your friends, link from your blog, or subscribe!
Comments
Oh darn, now I made myself teary eyed!
Actually, I do snack all the time, but I get the hungry horrors after ticking for a while. It's the "craving" for intense flavors that I find interesting. It's more pronounced when I'm ticking - like sensory bombardment..
Thanks for commenting, ladies. I didn't expect comments so quickly. It was a nice surprise.
Actually, it's not that hard. It's just that I'm known for snide comments. Snideness makes my world go round, apparently.
So you've linked this episode to post-Christmas exhaustion? At least that's how it reads. There's something to be said for that--you seem to be recognizing certain issues that are more likely to bring on ticking episodes, and that in itself is a move in a better direction.
Also, I'm going to guess there are a sizable number of people who could not function earlier this week--not because they were ticking, but because they were brutally hung over.
Also also, I think I smell money to be made here. Methinks I am about to launch Mail Order Munchies, a company for thems what craves salty, sweet, sour, spicy goodness in the privacy of their own homes. First parcel's freeeee.....
I might think that your extreme flavor craving that you crave when ticking might be because it's almost the only sense that you have a control on it, so you take really a big advantage.
(And the way you take your down of the day, with a little bit of humour, might help us not to cry...)
Amy ~ Thanks for posting.
Soozcat ~ I knew going into Christmas that I was going to pay for all the hours I spent pulling everything together. My wife was busy working two jobs and had left certain things unorganized so I had a lot of work to do. I knew that my sleep schedule was going to be flipped on its back and I worried that I'd be a ticking mess by the time Christmas rolled around. I hadn't anticipated that a week and a half AFTER Christmas I'd still be out of sync. Betcha sleep would fix that. If only I could. It's 6:55am and I'm *finally* getting sleepy. Got to wake up to homeschool the kids in a scant few hours. This is no way to live. :p
Jill ~ That's an interesting theory you have. Wish I was compelled to exercise instead. Heck, I wish I had abdominal ticks. That'd work off the holiday pounds in no time! :)
Update: I watched a movie with my girls, then I drew and drew and loved every minute of it. They're only piddley sketches so I won't be putting them up online, but I was very pleased to successfully push through the neurological wall and get my dots connecting in my mind again.
anyway, i still hope you have a good day..maybe later today..
Rachelle
http://zyphe.blogspot.com
Are you in there?
Melissa ~ You made me laugh out loud. Hope you laughed too when that happened. Ouch! :)