Get Bored with Depression
Sometimes disability, be it neurological or physical, can get us down. Keeping positive seems futile when facing the insurmountable odds against us. There are times when I feel that even at my best I'm still less than everyone else. Today is one of those times, yet I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I realize that I am tired and simply need a good night's rest so that I can attack my life with renewed vigor. There is a quote I have grown fond of that lifts my spirits when they are too Earth-bound. It is from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann.
Do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
When I allow Depression to take ahold of my heart, I lose my ability to continue fighting. If I am not fighting, then I am letting life in all it's misery knock me around. Depression is not just the doldrums, however. It can be triggered by real events, but its intensity is born of chemical imbalance. Still, even then I have found that I can keep it at bay. I first determine to not be sad, then I go about doing things that make me happy.
I would love to tell you that I have banished Depression from my life as successfully as I banished my panic disorder, but I cannot. I lost about an hour to it tonight. I was so miserable I couldn't move from my spot. I sat there watching a bit torrent slowly increment towards completion. Sometimes, however, I am very glad that I have AD/HD. I cannot stay so still for long before becoming bored out of my skull. Soon I am at war with myself as I was tonight. One part of me is listless and unable to move, the other part of me is antsy to do something else. Soon I remember that I have things to do and I force myself to move. Then I go find something, anything, to do.
Tonight I remembered that I needed to sleep so I could drive my daughter to her gig in the morning. This, coupled with my growing boredom, was enough to shock me into action. Getting myself to move was difficult, and distracting myself with this blog was risky, but I have licked the Depression and am feeling much better. Back into the dark corners of my mind it goes.
I realize this is controversial, but I can't recommend enough to you that you can fight off Depression by simply thinking happier thoughts. You've got to want to be happy, folks. You've got to barrage the sadness with a string of upbeat activities and thoughts. It is difficult to do at first, but with practice you get better at it and soon find you can restore balance and harmony in your life. The Depression doesn't have to rule your world. You can find peace and happiness despite your disabilities. In the words of the poem, "Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
Comments
Thats cool. I'm totally comfortable with my decsions. I arrived at mine after going on and off meds when I first realized something wasn't right in early adulthood and sought treatment. I changed dietary stuff and have still stuck with it, because i believe it makes a world of difference. And I have a vitamin regimen I stick to that I know helps me (and my rebellious brain). But what diet changes and prayer, setting up things to manage my ADD couldn't do on a reliable continuous basis is prevent my meltdowns. When I meltdown- from too much pressure build up, depression over things I screw up, the intensly uncomfortable feeling I get when I am understimulated which makes me want to beat my head against a wall just to "feel" something...I couldn't eliminate those episodes and I HATE when I'd be cruising thru life, having my act together and then whamo! I'm back to being completely dysfunctional again and I want to jump outside my body, give myself a kick in the hind end because part of me knows what to do, wants to do it, the other part of me is coming unraveled and ready to do just about any crazy thing to feel better again. So I decided I don't have the strength to do the constant hard work it takes to manage all this sans meds. Like you mentioned about time wasted- I hate the time that's wasted on my meltdowns. Well on meds, there is still the very rare meltdown- I either hybernate in bed or break things or do gardening (digging holes is very therapuetic for me) and planting things. I want to stay on a pretty even keel-I don't like when the meltdown version of me rears its ugly head. I was bone tired of the hard work it took to combat it. So I have a nice little cocktail, antidepressant (so I don't sit around with my mind reeling about everything negative)(and I don't lose sleep at night checking the lights and locks and whether I left the stove on even though I haven't cooked) and the ADD med which helps me to reliably live a normal life- So I went from being horrified by meds that mess with my mind to now, they're my best friends. But we all have to do what we're comfortable with. I don't think a pill popper is a loser or a non-pill popper is more saint-like. We all have to figure how to live in our own skin and whatever works, go for it. As long as it's not at the expense of others of course. Humans are the most complex "machines"- nobody has the right answer for everyone many out there (experts) think they have the solution- Experts, people with issues, and the average guy on the street would all be wiser to approach the whole issue with a lot more humility. Till they walk a mile in another person's moccasins or however that saying goes.
Additionally, I personally like to make fun of my flaws now- I am a good humored person anyway but I was very secretive and shameful that I had things not working in my brain at first. Now I don't broadcast it, but to those that know me, I can have a lot of good laughs at my own tough times and mishaps. My husband says I'm a "seeing the glass half empty" type, and I agree. But I'll find something funny about it and that makes it ok. Works better for me that trying to believe it's really half full :)
Keep up the good work- I admire your commitment! :)
You continually amaze me with your ability to say exactly what I need to hear exactly when I need to hear it. It gives me hope for my husband and son as we walk through this battle together.
I am a perennially glass half-full person, but lately the road has been long, and the lessons hard. I am not seeing as much light at the end of the tunnel. God has plans that don't mesh with my idea of what to do, and so I am waiting and trying to figure out what to do next. Patience? What's that?!
I still don't have a new job lined up, and the jobs that are available will require moving from my dream house (reminds me of that Julian Lennon song "Sitting on the doorstep of the house I can't afford . . .") to avoid a two hour commute. Of course, I haven't even gotten an interview yet.
oh well,
God is in control, and His hands are much more capable than mine at keeping this big ball spinning.
Blessings to you.
Claire
I am new reader of your blog...wanted to start my journey by saying hi to you first...Nice blog, helpful and informative..thank you for sharing..
Depression shoot-out from behavior faults, environment, influences, body, thoughts, addictions, disorders of the mind and so on. Poor health could also cause you to feel depressed. If you struggle to feel good physically, it often makes it difficult to feel good mentally.
Self Help Zone
You have a reply:
http://towelianism.wordpress.com/2007/04/18/ismail-ax-and-the-virginia-massacre/#comment-155
PS: Let me clarify my position: I stated my opinion with the thought in mind that I'm setting the bar to the further-most opposing viewpoint I could from those I perceive as unfairly attack a religion, so that it could be brought to an acceptable middle ground. Plus... the article's about people being unfair to Islam by singling out just that particular theory. I encourage you to read my reply there. :)
I've found the first step is to let go the things over which you have no control, and stop worrying about them. If they are out of your control, it's fine to make note of them, but dwelling on them does nothing but bring in depression.
That's my deep thought for the day.
Cindy ~ First things first. I am very anti-meds, but that is because they do not work for me and even hurt me. I am also anti-meds because Big Pharma pushes them through doctors onto people despite their side-effects. In addition, pills don't teach people skills. There is far too much emphasis on medication as the only solution. When you cannot use medication you quickly find out how little help is out there for you...until Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I discovered the techniques on my own through trial and error and then tripped upon the new form of therapy years later. I highly recommend it.
Now, to your comments...
I'm glad you have found a regimen that works for you. I find the downtime - when I miss a beat and lose six weeks out of my life - very frustrating when it occurs, but I have little recourse. Either I learn to manage this on my own or I remain in living chaos. When I disagree with the medicated path others have chosen I think mostly "Not for me, thank you..." but I really cannot say that it is NOT for them UNLESS they are suffering from serious side-effects. Then I consider their path a foolish one. In the end, however, I really don't look down on them. It's their life, your life, to do with as you wish. I'm just trying to reach people who want to free themselves from the bad effects of meds, or those who cannot use meds like myself. Sometimes, that makes readers who do use meds uncomfortable or even guilty. I imagine that is because I am so adamant that psychotropic meds are dangerous.
Thanks for your comments. Hope to see you 'round again.
Rene ~ People often don't understand Depression. They only look at it in terms of moral weakness. I believe that because they don't understand the depths of another's depression that they quickly grow impatient with it. If they understood the battle that is going on within the other's mind, they would probably be more compassionate. What complicates matters is that real events can trigger an avalanche of chemical Depression and that will power can alleviate the depths to which one sinks. Instead of throwing a life line, however, they throw rocks with nasty messages written on them.
Still, too, some people wallow in their Depression and refuse any out stretched hands. Deep Depression is very difficult to shake off, but I am here to say that it can be done. One must be willing to fight, however. That is a trait that must be learned. I know I needed to learn it. I wish I could help others learn it as well.
SoliTare ~ Thanks for commenting.
Claire ~ Bless your heart, you sure are going through a difficult time lately. Becoming a glass half full type of person takes work. I should know. I spent years working at it. I still work at it. I cannot say that I am optimistic by nature. I tend to be far too cynical than is good for me. However, when I discovered that being negative did nothing to fix the problems I had, I began to wonder if I was limiting my options by being negative all the time. Becoming positive wasn't a natural transition for me, however. I had to start small and force myself to think of positive things. First, I thought of just one thing that was positive at the end of my day. Then I added more to the list. Once I got better at it, I started to force myself to think positively during the middle of the day when life was happening. It is hard work, but so worth it.
I have discovered that the only thing I can control in my life is my outlook. If I wasn't controlling my outlook, then it was controlling me. And that made me miserable. So it had to change.
Unfair to you, your family needs you to have a positive outlook while they struggle. If you are down in the muck with them you won't be able to lift them out. I'm glad you have faith in God. Turn to him for guidance and ask him to help you be more positive. This isn't a matter of trying to see the sun shining when the clouds are gray. It's a matter of not letting negativity shape our outlook. When we are positive, we have more options available to us because we believe in possibilities, not despair because of impossibilities.
Good luck, and thanks for being a regular reader. I hope that my advice is wanted and helpful.
Health Watch Center ~ Very true. The opposite is also true. If we struggle to feel good mentally, we often find it difficult to feel good physically. Balance is so important to finding happiness. Thanks for commenting.
Nihon ~ Thanks for that deep thought. Your recent comments on this blog have been very welcome. I dealt with the issue you describe when I was learning to conquer my anxiety. One day I simply realized that no matter how much I panicked the problems would still be there. In fact, often the more I panicked the worse the problems became. I'm a prideful man, and when I discovered I was being stupid, I summoned the strength to dampen my panic attacks and push them out of my life for good.
Excellent comments by everyone. Thank you for taking the time to leave your thoughts. I hope you continue to comment in the future.
~Douglas