Sometimes disability, be it neurological or physical, can get us down. Keeping positive seems futile when facing the insurmountable odds against us. There are times when I feel that even at my best I'm still less than everyone else. Today is one of those times, yet I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I realize that I am tired and simply need a good night's rest so that I can attack my life with renewed vigor. There is a quote I have grown fond of that lifts my spirits when they are too Earth-bound. It is from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann.
Do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
When I allow Depression to take ahold of my heart, I lose my ability to continue fighting. If I am not fighting, then I am letting life in all it's misery knock me around. Depression is not just the doldrums, however. It can be triggered by real events, but its intensity is born of chemical imbalance. Still, even then I have found that I can keep it at bay. I first determine to not be sad, then I go about doing things that make me happy.
I would love to tell you that I have banished Depression from my life as successfully as I banished my panic disorder, but I cannot. I lost about an hour to it tonight. I was so miserable I couldn't move from my spot. I sat there watching a bit torrent slowly increment towards completion. Sometimes, however, I am very glad that I have AD/HD. I cannot stay so still for long before becoming bored out of my skull. Soon I am at war with myself as I was tonight. One part of me is listless and unable to move, the other part of me is antsy to do something else. Soon I remember that I have things to do and I force myself to move. Then I go find something, anything, to do.
Tonight I remembered that I needed to sleep so I could drive my daughter to her gig in the morning. This, coupled with my growing boredom, was enough to shock me into action. Getting myself to move was difficult, and distracting myself with this blog was risky, but I have licked the Depression and am feeling much better. Back into the dark corners of my mind it goes.
I realize this is controversial, but I can't recommend enough to you that you can fight off Depression by simply thinking happier thoughts. You've got to want to be happy, folks. You've got to barrage the sadness with a string of upbeat activities and thoughts. It is difficult to do at first, but with practice you get better at it and soon find you can restore balance and harmony in your life. The Depression doesn't have to rule your world. You can find peace and happiness despite your disabilities. In the words of the poem, "Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
