Adult AD/HD Ambitions #2
If you have Adult AD/HD, or teenage ADHD, or just annoying ADD, you know how disruptive this quaint little mindblock can be. Each week I set a goal for myself to try to tame the AD/HD beast and push it back into a cage, so to speak. I invite you to set a goal for yourself and chart your progress with us in the comments section.
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My goal for this week:Be Perfect.Be Punctual.
In general, when I know I have an appointment to keep I work to be there. The problem is that I tend to dread downtime. I actually worry about all the things that need to get done before I have to be someplace, envisioning sitting bored somewhere twiddling my thumbs while awaiting my appointment, so I try to get things done before I go. This is called "Putting Four into Three" - the only thing I took away from my time with Utah's premier (somewhat fascist) AD/HD specialist. I don't try to put four into three as much as I try to fit four dozen into three, which simply means I'm really lousy at gauging how much time projects take when I'm panicking. The end result is that I'm usually five minutes late.
To prevent that, I'm going to work on NOT fitting four into three, or even three into three. I'm going to take along what I can do while waiting and try to be early for a change. More importantly, I will make being on time a goal. Why keep friends waiting? Why inconvenience family? Sounds simple, but there is one element I've forgotten to factor in. I have AD/HD. This usually means just one "Oooh, shiny!" moment can put me terribly behind schedule even when I'm trying hard. I have no ready solutions for that problem, but I'll be working on it throughout the week.
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Comments
As an adult with ADHD, I have this same problem. I can get caught up in email, twitter, and then try to cram just one more thing into the equation before an appointment, or I bring way too much "contingency" stuff with me, thinking I can get it all done while I wait if I am a little early. I wish I were better at time estimation, but I am now tending to err towards being early do I don't have negative consequences for others.
Rick LaVoie talks about the problem with ADHD is that there are oly 2 times, now and not now, and we have problems with the time in between. This always helps keep things in perspective for me.
Whitney Hoffman
Th LD Podcast
www.ldpodcast.com
Gaining that perspective is tricky and many people who suffer from ADHD can't manage it. They instead internalize all the missed appointments and times they've kept people waiting as character flaws - deeming them unworthy. And why wouldn't they? Many people berate and chastise with venom when dealing with punctuality challenged individuals. ADHD people often grow up with lousy self-esteem.
The trick is to separate the ADHD from the "Me". We shouldn't beat ourselves up because we tend to run behind schedule. We should instead focus our energies on how to prevent that. As you pointed out, one simple solution may be to accept being early and perhaps bored is better than inconveniencing others. With hindsight I can say that being bored is far better than feeling guilty or worse, being disrespected. And again as you point you, it is important for us to be considerate of others - something that doesn't often factor in as we juggle all the try to get done before we're supposed to be somewhere.
Excellent comments. Thanks for posting!
Today I have to get my daughters to dance class. It would be nice if I managed to pick up two kids from school and drop off two at dance in one fell swoop, so that will be my goal. That means I have to get some projects done BEFORE 2:30pm and leave errands for AFTER. I can do this. Makes me sweat thinking about leaving so early. I have to stop thinking of that as wasted time... Being punctual is an important goal, too.
Ha. Keep telling yourself that, kid, and one day you'll believe it. ;)
~Douglas
My husband, with all his alarms and reminders set on all his computers, tends to actually run MORE ontime as the ADHD person, and I tend to run later, (only at the end of a work day). He has more trouble than I when trying to manage the kids and getting more than himself out of the house. I do better at that part.
Your thoughts?
You bring up an interesting point. Your husband has learned how to manage his time through a series of alarms and reminders. He's paid it so much attention, and he has to manage it so tightly, that he is more punctual than you. However, as soon as the variables he has to juggle become overwhelming for his AD/HD mind, he begins to falter where you excel.
I would say that if he approached juggling the kids like he approached punctuality he would find some success as he figured out tricks to help him out. The problem is that his AD/HD makes breaking the problem down into smaller bits unmanageable because it becomes overwhelming. That's just a guess.
I'm having a difficult time filtering out noise tonight so I hope this reply is on target. ;)
~Douglas