A Splintered Mind

One way I keep Depression at bay in my life is to get out and do things in the sunlight, in public, and nowadays that usually involves me driving somewhere. Years ago, however, I would be lucky if I could convince myself to take a walk around the neighborhood. I simply wouldn't go anywhere. Depression was like a dark blanket I kept on me at all times. I hid under it. I was constricted by it. I defined my entire world by it. When I began peeking my head outside a bit more, I would allow myself to take trips. I would use these trips as a form of medicine. I wouldn't necessarily think, "Gosh, I'm feeling pretty down. I think I'll take a quick trip to Pakistan," but I would deliberately get out of the house to lift my spirits. Maybe to a bookstore or a movie. Maybe to a park. Usually very late at night when not another soul was awake. Late night walks can be wonderful for clearing the head, wrestling with moral dilemmas, and working complicated decisions out loud,...

How are your ADHD-fueled letter writing skills? Ever consider writing the point of the letter first? When I was courting my wife for the the final and most important time, we were 2000 miles apart and could only "date" via phone and letter. This was 1987 and computers were still something you needed access to the lab for, which means I wrote her letters by hand. I wrote so much that I gave up on individual sheets of paper and instead purchased notebooks. I'd fill a notebook up then mail it off while filling up the next. I have no idea if she truly read the libraries of letters I sent her. I can only assume she did since she knew what she was getting into and agreed to my proposal a few months later, but at the time I was bothered by the fact she didn't write back in reply. She would tell me that she didn't see the point. After four hours on the phone she had little more to add. Frankly, my twenty year old mind couldn't relate. This was, perhaps, the first time...

Last Thursday I had the worst ticking episode this year, or past few years for that matter. I twitched like I had been lobotomized with a cattle prod. My insomnia had me up around the clock, sagebrush had been trying to colonize my nose for three long weeks, and I had to run my girls all over the Western United States. Well, it felt like it at any rate. Take a look for yourself. It was an unusually busy day. Load the map up into Google Earth to get a better idea of how many miles I drove. It pushed me beyond phycical limits on only 4½ hours of sleep. And that's life, right? We all work hard. By the end of this day, however, my brain was a puddle of quivering goo. I had done too much. Despite all the work I needed to do, despite my deadlines such as my client's website awaiting completion and an unfinished manuscript I needed to complete for an upcoming writing workshop, I couldn't push any further. So I sat at the kitchen table twitching & ticking & vegetating. I w...

I've decided to change how I review books from this point out. Apparently, whether I liked or disliked a book matters little to my readers. It's not a popular feature. Also, many of the books I read are not good fits for this blog of mine which is about coping with disabilities. Still, I only justify my reading if I analyze it, so there needs to be a place for that analysis. Aren't you lucky? I may ultimately spin all these book reviews off onto The Absentminded Bookshelf again, but for the time being will post them here. This means that on topic books will continue to get their own dedicated reviews, such as Hide & Seek by Wendy Aron which I hope to begin reading in earnest this week. Off topic books will get dumped into an occasional Friday post I'll call "Off the Shelf" So how exactly will this be different? Well, since I want to be a writer I'll review the books as a writer not a reader. Hah! How's that for pretentiousness? Should be good for ...

While I work on the next installment of the Depression: Will or Wallow? series, I’d like to share a fabulous article about Cognitive-behavioral Therapy with you. In April of 2007, Forbes magazine did an investigation on CBT and whether it was effective or not, titled “Patient Fix Thyself”. It cited several studies as well as interviewed prominent practitioners of the technique, including the gentleman who invented it. Reading the article will give you some much needed background to aid you in understanding my philosophy and how I can advocate will over wallowing for depressives. Patient Fix Thyself, Page 1 Patient Fix Thyself, Page 2 Read more on this topic: Depression: Will or Wallow? Part I Depression: Will or Wallow? Part II Depression: Will or Wallow? Part II Like reading The Splintered Mind ? Share articles with your friends, link from your blog, or subscribe !

Update 2016: This article was featured in my book "Saying NO to Suicide" , with added commentary. What are the attitudes that keep us from willing our way out of Depression instead of wallowing in it? In my previous articles on this subject ( Part I & Part II ), I discussed my daughter's own struggles with Depression as well as my own struggles. Today I will focus on the emotionally charged word "wallow". A reader by the name of Eternal Footman took issue with my use of the word "wallow" in reply to Part II. Says he: "I hate the word 'wallow' when used to describe anything having to do with depression so it took me a long time to read your second article (I still haven't read your first)...I won't bore you with the 'wallow' back story now, but I will say that word got thrown at me a lot when I was suffering from undiagnosed depression." My reader's experience isn't too unlike those shared by most depre...

Depression may not be funny, but finding humor in your life goes a long way towards improving your outlook. Remember the other day when I joked about how I should just pick out a cemetery plot and write my own eulogy because of all the senior citizen junk mail I receive? Well, apparently the direct marketers who think I'm a retired, octogenarian with hearing loss read my blog and wanted to help me along the path to interment. They've sent me the pitch of a lifetime. Dear Citizen, We are pleased to announce a Senior Final Expense Program to help pay what the government does not pay for your funeral expense... The letter goes on about how little I receive under Social Security and how much it costs to be properly buried. Very cheery. All I need do is supply them with more personal information and check a box on how much money I want. I wonder how much it will cost to be buried in my very own mausoleum in the shape of a MacBook? Hey, at least that way I can assure I'll be reme...