Humor from the Crypt

Depression may not be funny, but finding humor in your life goes a long way towards improving your outlook.


MacBook MausoleumRemember the other day when I joked about how I should just pick out a cemetery plot and write my own eulogy because of all the senior citizen junk mail I receive? Well, apparently the direct marketers who think I'm a retired, octogenarian with hearing loss read my blog and wanted to help me along the path to interment. They've sent me the pitch of a lifetime.


Dear Citizen,
We are pleased to announce a Senior Final Expense Program to help pay what the government does not pay for your funeral expense...



The letter goes on about how little I receive under Social Security and how much it costs to be properly buried. Very cheery. All I need do is supply them with more personal information and check a box on how much money I want. I wonder how much it will cost to be buried in my very own mausoleum in the shape of a MacBook? Hey, at least that way I can assure I'll be remembered. Especially if the lid opens up on Halloween.



Like reading The Splintered Mind? Share articles with your friends, link from your blog, or subscribe!

Comments

Anonymous said…
JOLLY GOOD .......... You re now officially over 40. Marketers want to offer ancient folks , like you , a deal of a lifetime , your final resting place. I love the image of a burial lap top computer , opening up for Halloween. ........ mountainfaerie
October 01, 2008 10:43 AM
Anonymous said…
HAHAHAHAH Excellent idea for a gravestone. Opening up for halloween! HAHAHAHHAHAHHA this made my day.
October 17, 2008 3:52 PM
D.R. Cootey said…
Glad you folks found it funny. It's important to keep a sense of humor about these things. :)

~Douglas
October 18, 2008 2:31 AM
Post a Comment

Somewhat Liked Posts

Traveler's Notebook Distractions and ADHD eBay Blunders

Image
I joined the Midori Traveler’s Notebook (TN) club this past Summer. I missed the big blogging heyday about them around 2012 to 2015 when the Internet seem to explode over this nifty little notebook system, but I was all about digital back then. I loved my iPhone and didn’t feel a need to go analog. Recently, though, I noticed some artists doing inspiring things in their TNs, and I thought this could be the kick in the pants I needed to fit sketching back into my life. I started small with one notebook insert with a leather cover. Only when I noted that I was actually using it, I invested in more inserts. The only feature it was missing for me was a ToDo list insert, but nobody made one. And thus I began my journey yesterday into DIY Notebook Hell. With ADHD as my guide, I boldly discovered blog after blog of incredibly ornate notebook inserts that people made for themselves because the official ones were just “too expensive”. Since you can get official ones fo...
Continue Reading…

Setting a New Stage

Image
I've come to the decision that I need to blog again. I've filled over a dozen journals in the past two years, but I find myself stagnating despite all the wonderful conversations I've had with myself. When your voice is the only one you hear, you have nothing but an echo chamber even if the echoes sound insightful. I'll still journal, but I feel I'm ready to look outside of myself again as I used to do. Returning to a weekly schedule might be a bit much at this time, but I'll do my best. It's a good goal to work towards. To start, I've chosen a new blog template. Nothing fancy. Only the best prefab templates for me. I'd rather put my efforts into writing than coding, though I imagine I won't be able to help myself over time. Now if only I could figure out why comments aren't working. They've been MIA for years. ~Dˢ  
Continue Reading…

I Could Get Where I Was Going if Only My Mind Weren't in the Way

I've been wondering how to tackle today's column since I'm experiencing what I call the "slow tick". Whereas most people think of flailing arms and jerking necks when the word "tic" comes to mind, slow ticks are like being played in slow motion. There is an odd disconnect in my mind as I am aware of what to say in realtime but my mouth has a hard time keeping up. Walking becomes fun as well. Brain: Shift to the right. Let's avoid that wall. Me: Wha? Brain: Shift! Shift! Me: The wall? Boof! It's not quite unlike wading through jello. I can see where I need to go but the world is all woogily and I'm unable to get through it with any manner of celerity. But get there I do. I refuse help whenever possible. I'll be darned and knitted if I'm going to let this stupid disability get in my way. Don't be fooled by my bravado. The disability gets in the way all the time. Like this morning as my sweet four year old tried to help me ...
Continue Reading…