Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Upside Down

(cc) jacqueline-w

I used to have an Irish Setter who slept as peacefully as the pretty one pictured above. Deeply, she would slumber, stirring only to open her mouth widely and yawn with that peculiar curled tongue of hers.

From what my mother says, I have never slept well, even when I learned how to yawn & curl my tongue as my dog did. If I can dig an old photo out, I'll share a baby picture with you of me as an innocent young tike — complete with circles under the eyes. I looked so cute then. After a lifetime of insomnia, however, I look more like this:

Big Mouth (cc) Douglas Cootey

I had been pushing my schedule forward. Again. Sunday I slept 10:30am-4pm. Monday I slept 2:30pm-9pm. Today was supposed to be 4:30pm-10:30pm. Unfortunately, I crashed around 12:30pm and "napped" for four hours. Now I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing. Up is down. Down is sideways, and sideways is how I feel since I'm listing to the left. I even ate my meals backwards, starting with dinner at 9pm Monday, lunch somewhere around 3am this morning, breakfast at 7:30am, followed by dinner at 6pm. It's almost normal except it feels jumbled about a bit.

I'm tired enough I could sleep standing. Except that my brain is awake. It's not quite unlike having a sports car's engine in an old pair of pants. Lots of power, but going nowhere very quickly.

With luck I may drift off to sleep sometime after 2am. Perhaps by then I'll have finished a new article for you to enjoy about ToDo lists and birthday goals from Hell. Or perhaps I'll finish that book review for Hide & Seek: How I Laughed at Depression, Conquered My Fears and Found Happiness by Wendy Aron
that I promised Wendy I would finish a not so small ice age ago (Yes, Wendy. I actually finished it and even liked it).

It's more likely I'll watch the new movies that arrived from Netflix, my mouth agape, my eyes dull, and sleep continually hovering beyond my reach.

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