When I set out to reinvent my life by blogging with a goal in mind instead of just mirthfully writing about anecdotal episodes of disability, I had visions of hitting the ground running, filling digital folders with reams of virtual story pages, and impressing millions by my dedication. Well, maybe not the last one, but I certainly didn't expect to spend my time ticking, twitching, and moving in slow motion.
Still, I laid out quite the list of obstacles the other day and my tic disorder & insomnia were two of them. Either I learn to work around them, or I won't reach my birthday goal.
One cannot ever underestimate the impact that sleep deprivation has on the mind. I simply don't work at full bandwidth without a proper night's sleep, even if my "night" is in the morning. The obvious solution would be to go to bed regularly, but mingle insomnia in with sleep apnea and you've got me—up at 3am. Everyone has a sleepless night here or there, but string them together for weeks on end and you've got a real problem.
It's a problem that others notice. Just the other day I received this on Twitter:
ZorkFox: @SplinteredMind I have come to the conclusion that you do not, in fact, sleep. At all. Ever.
So tragically true. That is why when I began breathe ticking last night at 10:30pm like a heavy breathing phone caller short on air, I knew I wasn't going to get anything done and got myself up to bed. Slept almost uninterrupted for seven hours. That has not happened in a very long time. I'll need to do it tonight as well if I want to see any positive changes in my mental capabilities. I am of the mind that my insomnia is one of the major roots of all my problems. Fix that and I can possibly reduce Depression, ADHD, and ticking. If only it were that easy.
With luck, I will be able to get more done today than yesterday. I need to provide a photo for an editor over at ADDitude Magazine for an article of mine they're publishing. I will also add "more of a story" to my early reader/picture book as the agent recommended.
And now I need to pick up my girls.
Here's to sleep and productivity.