A Splintered Mind

You know that part where the hero is battered, torn, and left for dead, when everyone has given up on him except his childhood sweetheart, and then buoyed by her love he finds the strength within himself to climb to his feet, glibly state, "Stand back, doll. This is gonna get ugly," then lurch stoically forward to stand against the bad guy one last time before ultimately winning because he's just too manly to lose? This is nothing like that. All month long I have known that Conduit was coming up, and a dear friend, whose unquestioning faith in me beings tears to my eyes, bought me a panel to display my art at the art show. I haven't shown at a con in a very, very long time. I haven't produced con art in an even longer amount of time. I had hoped to reward my friend's faith in me by having two hand colored prints, a new bookmark illustration (for the Leprechaun and not for sale), and a large painted original produced in time. There was plenty of time to do it...

I didn't write anything in my novel for Wensday. I'm afraid my motor tic disorder got the better of me. Today's flavor was the slow tic. There was a bit of back ticking, but mostly today just felt like walking through a block of cotton candy wearing a heavy suit of armor in an inflatable moonwalk, but not nearly so fun or festive. Maybe I should just say I sat and processed things slowly all day. I even ruined the spaghetti sauce. I'm Italian. It takes a lot for an Italian to ruin spaghetti sauce, yet I managed it. I should have backed away from the stove when I discovered that when I thought I set the sauce on two notches up from Low it was actually two notches away from High. I barely saved the sauce from scorching, but then I pushed my luck and added the spices. Who knows what I put in there. Turtle Wax? Battery Fluid? It was bad. When the ticking spell subsided around 1:30am, I suddenly realized (thus proving that the ticking spell had subsided) that I had an articl...

I'm afraid Monday's article will be late. It is now going to be Tuesday's article. I had planned on writing about the answers several authors gave me when I asked them about their daily word count goals. However, my youngest daughter had a seizure yesterday morning in the wee hours. I found myself out buying OJ instead of sleeping. Contrary to popular belief, I do actually sleep. Yesterday at 4am was supposed to be one of those times. Alas. I am now twitching and ticking and falling asleep with bobbing head while trying to finish the ADDaboy! article I forgot to finish earlier, or actually was unable to finish earlier because I was ticking and then watching the season ender of Castle. And Chuck. It is almost 4am again and this time I had hoped to sleep at 1am, but alas again. I have an article due for a 9am posting. Tomorrow will be a hard day to get through. Should be fun, what with sleep deprivation and its exciting affect on my tic disorder. The funny thing about writ...

Update 2016: This article was featured in my book "Saying NO to Suicide" , with added commentary. Feeling a little down tonight. I know intellectually it's just a bout of depression , but emotionally I'm a bit drained. I'm going to vent my spleen, to use a curious expression, and then I'll go off and be more productive. Suicidal ideation is a pain in the butt. I realize that isn't eloquently worded, and perhaps you may not understand how I could be so glib about such a stark matter, but I'm rather tired of this old issue resurfacing to occupy my time. Somebody tweeted the other day about how suicide wasn't a choice, but instead "happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain" . I contemplated that for a moment, but to my way of thinking it sounded like an excuse. Just because emotional pain seems to exceed resources for coping doesn't mean that one's volition is absolved. That means to me that the person has stopped...

End of an Era Originally uploaded by Darkstream . You can't be number one forever. Here the sun sets on a behemoth , but will one day rise again for another.

I am happy to announce that I've finally moved out of chapter one of my middle grade novel. I was caught in endless revision as I shot out in one direction or another trying to feel where the story was leading me, then scrapping it and starting over again. Finally, I found the proper path. It was sweetly scented and lit with dappled rays of something or other. All of this means that chapter two in "Sneaker's Secret" is coming along nicely. I am working on the story every day. In fact, I am working on the story instead of blogging, another thing I should be delirious about. Except for the not blogging here part. That is obviously bad, and how disappointed you must be in me. I am penitent. By the way, the iPad is working out as a novel writing platform. Last night I could not sleep and gave up around 4am, then went for a walk. It's not a safe thing to do, but because I have a misguided belief that nobody cares about me at four in the morning, I can almost feel immor...

5 Fives of Snow on April 29th, 2010 Originally uploaded by Darkstream Somebody called me weird the other day. I know they were just teasing, but that word has a lot of negative power over me. Yet I cannot deny that I do tend to be eccentric. I have ADHD to thank for that. Take this video, for example. When I was caught in a sudden snowstorm on the cusp of May, I did not run for cover as everyone else around me did. I grabbed my video camera instead. I was completely fascinated by the odd weather at first, then the pattern of snowfall second. I'm not saying I am better than others. I just experience the world differently than they do. Because of that quirky impulse to film instead of flee, I captured this memory. I believe my life is better for moments like this. Can you relate?

I suppose it is high time I wrote something cheery and positive—especially considering the bout of Depression I have been struggling with for the past two weeks. I lost some very important possessions, a lifetime of them actually, and it has hit me quite hard.  So today I will not mention that my insomnia has taken over my life like fire to paper. I will also not mention, even once, that my finances are in such a state of disarray that I could travel the full length of I-40 and never find them.  ADDitude Magazine Instead, I will point out with some degree of pride that I have published a new article in ADDitude Magazine. They recently sent me two complimentary copies and included a note stating about how much they liked working with me. Either somebody is covering for me over there, or I'm not as bad as I had imagined. Perhaps by nature of their magazine's subject they are used to working with people with half a brain losing a contract . Don't worry. I found it again. ...

ADDaboy! It's May already. You may have missed it. I didn't. I was looking at the arrival of May with some dread. I promised a friend I would show art at his art show and I haven't drawn any yet. Yes, a wee bit stressful for me, but then that's life with Douglas Cootey. Lots of looming deadlines and impending doom. I probably won't live to see 50. In the meantime, please take a look at what I wrote over at HealthyPlace.com : Adult ADHD: Cover That Mouth Before You Use It! My mouth has been known to light bridges aflame behind me leaving burned out friendships to mark my passing. It gets even better. I wear a lampshade over my head. Please don't miss this or all the humiliation will be for nothing. (I sell myself for page views.) An ADHD Attribute I Love and Cherish Is it true that adults with ADHD experience a frequent search for high stimulation? Could there be any truth to such an outlandish claim? The short answer is "yes", but the long answer is mo...