A Springtime Walk on a Cool, Winter's Day

As I walked to church the other day, the sky was almost like Spring. The clouds had the right color and consistency. The weather was not quite balmy, but still a warmish 57°F. The breeze was comfortable, too, though filled with the presence of Winter. Unfortunately, the color of the sky was a reminder that Mother Nature was not ready to change her outfit into something less thermal. The blue was just a bit too dark to be Spring, more Indigo than Blue Lake.

Unlike last year, I was ambulatory and more than able to go out for a walk. Even though I have a shockingly low immunity system, I've already started regular walks since the weather is slowly crawling out of the 40s now that the day is lengthening. Walking is where I process a lot of what troubles my heart. I can talk out loud and dissemble that I'm on the phone when near people. This past Sunday was no different. Whenever idling cars at traffic lights were within earshot I simply put my hand up to my earpiece and nodded my head as if in conversation.

What troubles me lately is that my motor tic disorder has resurfaced. I enjoyed a respite for 18 months, but the automobile accident jarred my noodle and brought things back. There isn't much I can do about the tic disorder. I was just happy that I could walk with no difficulty on my own power to church. What a shame I didn't bring along a cane since I had an episode at church and needed a ride home.

Although the ticking itself is frustrating, I am more frustrated that it gets in the way of my goals. My mind turned over each late assignment as I made plans and prioritized. I realized with some chagrin that I hadn't been working enough on my middle grade novel and that I would not likely have the first draft finished before the edits for my book on overcoming suicidal ideation arrived. Also, for a book I was supposedly going to illustrate, I sure didn't draw much in preparation. Like the Spring-like sky, my life was filled with the promise of potential, but fell short of delivering on that promise.
Before I arrived at church, however, I decided to focus on the positives:

• Readers were leaving great comments on my blog. That meant a lot to me. It meant I was connecting.
• I had finished my book on overcoming suicide. It was in the hands of an editor, and she liked it, minus some serious revisions. I would soon have lots of fun polishing the next draft. This was a good thing that I should not forget simply because I was waiting for those edits.
• Without skipping a beat I began my next writing project once the previous one was in the hands of an editor. It was so productive of me that I almost didn't recognize myself in the mirror. It wasn't my fault that illness and ticking had put me behind schedule. I needed to dust myself off and simply press on.
• If you weren't aware, I have been blogging about ADHD as the Family Guy for ADDitude Magazine for almost a year now. Better yet, ADDitude Magazine likes the work I do. I like the job and look forward to writing three new blogs this week.
• Lastly, that was the day that my children began their next two week stay with me. There was so much to look forward to.

By the time I reached church, the winds had picked up and the Spring-like moment was gone. Soon the puffy clouds rolled into a cold blanket that covered the sky and even the frigid Indigo blue was nowhere to be seen. The dreariness of Winter had returned, but its days are numbered as the Sun stays in our sky longer and longer with each rotation of our planet. Some of those days are bound to be discouraging, but I know that my Springtime is around the corner.