Unlike last year, I was ambulatory and more than able to go out for a walk. Even though I have a shockingly low immunity system, I've already started regular walks since the weather is slowly crawling out of the 40s now that the day is lengthening. Walking is where I process a lot of what troubles my heart. I can talk out loud and dissemble that I'm on the phone when near people. This past Sunday was no different. Whenever idling cars at traffic lights were within earshot I simply put my hand up to my earpiece and nodded my head as if in conversation.
What troubles me lately is that my motor tic disorder has resurfaced. I enjoyed a respite for 18 months, but the automobile accident jarred my noodle and brought things back. There isn't much I can do about the tic disorder. I was just happy that I could walk with no difficulty on my own power to church. What a shame I didn't bring along a cane since I had an episode at church and needed a ride home.
Although the ticking itself is frustrating, I am more frustrated that it gets in the way of my goals. My mind turned over each late assignment as I made plans and prioritized. I realized with some chagrin that I hadn't been working enough on my middle grade novel and that I would not likely have the first draft finished before the edits for my book on overcoming suicidal ideation arrived. Also, for a book I was supposedly going to illustrate, I sure didn't draw much in preparation. Like the Spring-like sky, my life was filled with the promise of potential, but fell short of delivering on that promise.
Before I arrived at church, however, I decided to focus on the positives:
- Readers were leaving great comments on my blog. That meant a lot to me. It meant I was connecting.
- I had finished my book on overcoming suicide. It was in the hands of an editor, and she liked it, minus some serious revisions. I would soon have lots of fun polishing the next draft. This was a good thing that I should not forget simply because I was waiting for those edits.
- Without skipping a beat I began my next writing project once the previous one was in the hands of an editor. It was so productive of me that I almost didn't recognize myself in the mirror. It wasn't my fault that illness and ticking had put me behind schedule. I needed to dust myself off and simply press on.
- If you weren't aware, I have been blogging about ADHD as the Family Guy for ADDitude Magazine for almost a year now. Better yet, ADDitude Magazine likes the work I do. I like the job and look forward to writing three new blogs this week.
- Lastly, that was the day that my children began their next two week stay with me. There was so much to look forward to.