Friday, April 04, 2014

Depression: Cloud Therapy

A dark, cloudy day

I've been moody lately, like a cold night thick with moisture but no rain. I can almost feel the sky within me building pressure and pushing against my restraints, threatening to bring on a depressive episode to flood over all that have come before. Certainly, I have been under a great deal of pressure from outside influences. Freelance work has been non-existant, bills have doubled, and complications from the car accident last year continue to affect my quality of living. I recently had my left elbow operated on because it developed a lump exactly where my elbow was injured in the collision. Turns out it was a benign fatty tumor. That was a cheery discovery. Now I understand why my incision was so large when it was supposed to be a tiny li'l thing. I have no complaints, but relief that a tumor was caught before it could become malignant. However, recovery has been difficult as anybody who has had to function with one less arm can attest to. Since Anthropogenic Global Warming has been a no show this Spring, the weather has been cloudy, wet, and full of snow. Punxsutawney Phil, the prognosticator of prognosticators has been proven right, and the sunlight I so desperately need is hiding behind a layer of Winter.

Not sunbathing weather

Still, Spring applies her own pressure. The days lengthen as the Earth tilts our hemisphere closer to the Sun in its eliptical journey amidst the stars, so Spring then Summer are inevitable. Soon Father Winter will head to St. George and we'll wonder what happened to Spring as Summer pounds us with its heat. The warmists who ignored the unusual cold will be given day after day of scorchers to prove their theories. It is all one eternal round.

Debating anthropogenic climate change isn't something I need at the moment, however. I could just use some glorious sunshine. Unfortunately, today's weather, although a nice 61°F, is buried under clouds.

It's a good thing I like clouds. Not the heavy, blanket that chokes out light and ushers in cold, wet breezes that chill us to our bones. I prefer the clouds that play with light and let the sun dance upon their surface. Instead of bleak hues of ice and dried blood we will see color splashed across the sky in vibrant tones of blue, yellow, orange, and red. Looking at clouds like that, especially at sunrise and sunset, always lift my spirits. They remind me that there is beauty in the world. When bills grasp at my throat as if to prevent air to pass, I have only to look up and find temporary relief. Even if I am down for no reason other than that I have clinical depression and simply feel down, I can turn the corner as I drive around town and have my breath taken away in surprised joy. Somewhere there is always a cloud designed to capture my ADHD attention, one that compells me to pull over much to the consternation of my children while I try to capture its beauty with my iPhone. I may not see any of those clouds today, but my photos from yesterday still remind me that Spring is on its way. So, too, happiness and relief from Winter Depression. Too bad all those gorgeous, puffy clouds of painted light can't help pay my bills.

Maxfield Parrish clouds bring me hope

(In my effort to write poetically, I accidentally left a science fact out. It's been corrected, thanks to reader, Allan G.)