Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Some Thoughts on Happiness & Depression. Then I Pick a Winner

Out behind Wheeler Farm

What a day.

I’m typing sluggishly due to a prolonged ticking episode. They come in many shapes and sizes and this is one of the long, spindly, slow motion ones. I feel as if I’m out of sync with time around me, moving through thick air with each step nailed to the moment behind it. I simply did too much today, but there’s nothing I would have done differently.

There was a time I’d rather have been by myself writing, drawing, dreaming in places such as the one depicted above. I wasn’t resigned to my duties as a stay-at-home dad. I wanted “greater” things. Instead, I spent today with my daughters in one joyous moment after another.

The eight year old had a seizure on Saturday, made worse by the Croop, so she stayed home today. We worked on getting her caught up with her homework. Then I gathered the rest of my daughters from school and we headed up to the Gateway mall—a thrill at the edge of our seats because the oldest was behind the wheel navigating rush hour traffic for her first time.

Our time at the Gateway was spent with me being silly while my seventeen year old filmed me, my fourteen year old would continually wander off photographing the world around her, and the ten and eight year old behaved so well together I was certain the goblins who had been taking their place had returned to the world of the Fey and left two perfectly charming princesses in their place.

Ending the day with a ticking episode was a shade disappointing, but I didn’t let it drag at my spirits.

I have a daughter who struggles with Depression. I wish I could help her see how much her attitude contributes to her misery. To think I used to wallow in my own failure a mere fifteen years ago. Depression may be a permanent resident within my mind, but Attitude was the key that I discovered locked or unlocked my chances of evicting that Depression. By teaching myself to look at my depression from the outside I slowly learned to regulate it. Until my daughter believes that she can do the same, she will constantly be at Depression’s mercy.

I had hoped to have a lighthearted entry for you. There was certainly a ton of frivolity captured on film. Yet ticking does throw a wrench into the wheels of my life. Take this blog entry for example. It was supposed to be posted on Monday.

When I went to pick a winner, I created an Applescript that would pick a number at random. I’d match that number with a comment and have my winner. However, the first seven numbers in a row matched my own comments. That wouldn’t do so I bought an iPhone app that lets me add people’s names to a hat and pull one out. Yes, I suppose I could have written down your names on actual paper and stuck it in a real hat, but where would be the geeky fun in that? At any rate, I added everybody’s name except my own and surprise, surprise, I did not win.

It is with great pleasure I announce that Kathy was our winner. Congratulations. Just email me your street address. My email address is in the sidebar.