Thursday, August 23, 2012

ADHD: Just in the Nick of...Nope. I'm Late.

No! Not late again!!!
No! Not late again!!!
If you asked me, the Universe was conspiring to make me late. I was certain of it. Work was less than two miles away, yet day after day I was punching in a few minutes tardy and always because of some new obstacle.

One day it was an old lady. She was in on it with the Universe, obviously, because she traveled 10mph under the speed limit and knew the exact route I travelled to work. She plodded along, taking each turn along the way as slowly as she could manage without stalling her car, anticipating my every move and blocking me until the last 1200 yards. I was six minutes late that day.

Other days it was construction clogging up the small little intersection I needed to get through. There were orange cones everywhere and Do Not Turn signs that only Satan could have designed. The workers left the cones and signs up after hours even though there was nothing wrong with the road. I know they were in on it with the old lady.

Then there was the day where I spent five minutes at the light, awaiting the eager moment when I could take my left turn and get to work. Or maybe it was ten minutes. Heaven knows it was a long time. My blood pressure surged 50 points that day. Now the machines were in on it. Was there no hope‽

Each time I was late, I had a good excuse, each more bizarre than the day before. After all, the Universe was conspiring to torture me. Concrete trucks stalled in the middle of the road, mass transit delays, skipped lights… It went on and on. I would leave earlier and earlier to travel that two miles. The earlier I left, the more sadistic the setbacks. It seemed I was better off leaving late because the ride would be much smoother, though I'd be just as late. It didn't make any sense. Driving home took less than five minutes, yet every day I was late, late, late!

Then one day I realized it wasn't entirely the Universe’s fault. It was my ADHD. Because I was reluctant to be bored even for a moment, I would find things to do right up until the very moment I had to leave. And I would leave only enough time to get to work under optimal conditions. Once I realized I was doing that, I changed my habit and left twenty minutes early. I wasn't late anymore. Imagine that.

Now, I realize you non-ADHD people out there are shaking your heads at me thinking, "Duh!", but you simply do not understand the aversion ADHD people can have towards boredom. There are times I'd rather gnaw off an ear than be bored. It might hurt a bit, but think of how entertained I'd be for an hour trying to figure out how to wrap my mouth around my head. Now I just accept that I'll be clocking in early instead. Whoohoo! More pants to fold!

I do believe that the Universe had it out for me, but there's nothing it can do short of opening a sinkhole under me or dropping a meteor through my engine to make me late if I leave early enough. It can fume and hiss all it wants now. I'm on to it. I just hope it doesn't send anymore of those old ladies to drive in front of me. Even if I'm early, they drive me mad.

Just learned last week that my job is being phased out. Headquarters had cut back available hours in my store. Pretty sweet. I love being unemployed. Just in time for the new school year, too! If you like what you read here, please consider tossing a tip my way. I am trying to raise money for school clothes. Thanks for your support!