Friday, April 08, 2016

Writing in a Fishbowl: Day Twenty-One

Nifty logo of words in a fishbowl

2:35 PM: More research has been needed. That’s how I spent yesterday. As much as it destroys the writing flow, I’d rather struggle now and get things right than rush to maintain a public display of writing wonder to impress passersby. The whole point of this experiment wasn’t to BE Dean Wesley Smith, or even write as much as he does, but to see if writing about my writing would make me write MORE. These entries, obviously, don’t count.

Holding myself accountable in public has helped me push forward despite the effect depression, ticking, insomnia, and plain old absentminded ADHD has on my life. I tweet less. I post on Facebook less. All I need to do is read news less, and more time than ever will be spent writing where I would otherwise just spin in place.

What I mean by that is if I am ticking, I might plop down on the couch and watch TV while I wait for the episode to pass. However, one episode might turn into an entirely different episode as ADHD kicks in while I get caught up in a TV show. I might lose 2–3 hours before I realize I’m not ticking anymore and should get going. This is a worse case scenario, but I can’t deny that it happens. Now, although I have to take the Brownie to the neurologist in an hour, I’m getting writing in today all around the edges all thanks to this experiment. I’m more mindful of how I spend my time. As boring as this experiment has been for my readers (who haven’t commented on it at all), it has been vitally important to me. So I’ll press on.

4:12 PM: Family drama. Now not going to the neurologist. The upside is I’ll be able to write more.

4:15 AM: Family drama continued. Not much writing done after all. Then I began tech support for my parents. I’m not complaining too much. The reward was dinner at IHOP. I spent the night finishing research and writing. And deleting. I probably should stop that until I finish this project. Then my word count would be so very much more impressive. But word count doesn’t include data tables, verified research, new findings, and editing. I tell you this not because I’m trying to convince you, but because I’m trying to convince me! 473 words for the day sounds pitiful, but the book looks so tidy. It’s really coming along. Just for today, however, I’ll list all the days with no output. At first blush, it seems to be a testament of how unproductive I am. There are many days in there where I was unable to write due to my disability. There are many days where I did research with nary a new word written. It can be daunting. However, if you’re following along, remember this. The proof of my success is in the book I will have for sale soon. I am not like my peers. I can’t write every day. My tic disorder gets in the way. However, if I press on—if I keep at it—the end result will be another finished book where others just think about writing books. All those days with 0 words won’t matter anymore.

Before I published my first book, Saying “No!” to Suicide, I had a quote by Steve Jobs on my computer screen: [“REAL ARTISTS SHIP” It was something he scrawled on an easel when they were months behind deadline. Steve Jobs felt art was no good if nobody could access it. He was right. But now that I’ve published a book, it’s time to change that message: “REAL ARTISTS SHIP…AGAIN” I can’t do anything about my tic disorder, but I can keep pushing forward. None of these setbacks will matter when my finished work is out there for people to enjoy.

Tomorrow I have to write a new article for the blog. I want something new every week to offset all these Fishbowl entries. I’ve got something on suicide that’s been gnawing inside me, trying to get out. But now I must sleep.


Day No.1: 1250 words
Day No.2: 703 words
Day No.3: 671 words
Day No.4: 262 words
Day No.5: 0 words
Day No.6: 0 words
Day No.7: 2725 words
Day No.8: 231 words
Day No.9: 0 words
Day No.10: 0 words
Day No.11: 0 words
Day No.12: 0 words
Day No.13: 974 words
Day No.14: 0 words
Day No.15: 0 words
Day No.16: 0 words
Day No.17: 633 words
Day No.18: 0 words
Day No.19: 758 words
Day No.20: 0 words
Day No.21: 473 words

Project Word Count Total: 8680 words