Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Bad Luck: Creative Condiments

I'm still working on my next big blog entry, but my wife laughed at me tonight which has filled me with such bloggy angst that I felt compelled to bare my soul and share its ugliness with you.

OK, she didn't laugh at me that hard. But it's still worth sharing if you have the stomach for it.

I usually have bad luck, but I don't let it get me down. I just let out a stream of sarcastic comments to deal with the punches life throws at me. You could almost say that I've become pretty good at giving a running commentary on my life as it unfolds before me ala Mystery Science Theater 3000. My humor tends to run black, but some of the quips are funny and generally entertaining for those around me.

I had Crab flavored Udon So tonight I thought I'd fix up some udon noodles for an evening snack. Set out package, find pan, walk to sink - pretty normal. But after I filled the pan with water I noticed that the bottom of the cup felt gritty. A quick look revealed black, clumpy specks all over the bottom and wirey human hairs affixed to the side. Mmm, yummy. Special condiments for that extra flavorful burst of joy that could only be found at Casa Cootey (pronounced koo tay' for exotic emphasis). I rinsed off the cup and figured I should rinse out the pan and start over. That's when I discovered the previous night's dinner still clinging to the pan for dear life.

Ah, yes. Nothing wets an appetite like being forced to scrub off yesterday's dinner. As I severed the particles from their tenacious clasp on the pan with hearty swirly motions, I mentioned to my family that next time they washed pans they might consider using a sponge and become familiar with its bristley side. My wife and daughter simply laughed. To be truthful that was my intention. This was nothing to get upset about. After 13 years with children I have become immune, well almost immune, to the ubiquitous ichor and grime that spontaneously generate in the wake of all my children's passing. I complain, but I also take opportunity to make jokes about it.

"You poor thing. You really are a magnet for misery," my wife said after much laughter. I suppose she's right. The odd things in life that inconvenience us from time to time happen to everyone, but in my world if something gross is going to be on somebody's plate, cup, utensil, etc. it will be on mine and no one else's. Life's gourmet condiments seek me out to spice up my life.

Coping Strategies:

1) Make sure your pans are clean before you use them. Aren't you glad you came here to read advice that good?