Friday, November 09, 2012

13 Reasons Why Depression Is a Good Thing

I've been recently going through old blog posts and consolidating blog labels. I've been creative over the years, which was fun, but I decided that having about ten specific blog themes might help readers find old entries better. I know, it sound horrifically boring, and it is. I do them in six month blocks because my attention span is crawling out of my ears and making it for the woods at that point.

I came upon an old entry from November 2006 that surprised me. First, I had no idea I've been attempting to finish NaNoWriMo for six years. (No, I've never made it. Life is far too chaotic.) Also, I made some jokes about Depression that I still found funny and thought I'd reshare with you. I'm not married anymore, so the first one is a bit of a blank right now, but I imagine it'll be true again when I start dating. Poor dears. They have no idea what they'll be getting themselves into.

My favorites are #6 and #13. I should warn you, however. My humor can be glib and wry, even a bit dark at times. But humor is my favorite coping strategy for dealing with the crushing sadness of Depression. Maybe these will offend you. Maybe they'll make you laugh. For me, succeeding at being funny isn't as important as doing almost anything to fend off Depression.

Meanwhile, I still have some NaNoWriMo writing to catch up on.

Thirteen Reasons Why Depression Is a Good Thing

  1. It helps me seem really sensitive when I'm watching chick flicks with my wife.

  2. Nobody ever has to tell me to not get my hopes up.

  3. I don't have to worry about putting together mismatched outfits because all my clothes are black.

  4. The stock prices of my favorite chocolate companies are always going up.

  5. Since all my poetry sounds like suicide notes, I will have a very lucrative career writing songs for Emo bands.

  6. I don't have to worry about watering my plants because they can't grow in the dark.

  7. Helps me obtain vast personal growth because I'm always eating.

  8. Good news is always a surprise because I don't ever expect it.

  9. I only have to pay for one ticket at the movies.

  10. I can get my mother off the phone fast whenever I start to talk about my feelings.

  11. I get the couch all to myself at parties because nobody wants to chat with me.

  12. I get to know all the hotty operators at the Crisis Hotline.

  13. Election day results don't phase me because I'm already down