Saturday, May 31, 2014

My Fingers Are Almost as Tired as My Soul

Beautiful trees at Germania Park, Murray, Utah
Using Nature to Calm the Mind

I've been doing a lot of biking lately. Losing weight. Getting out in the summer sun. It's felt good. I've needed the escape from the stress of my life to get out there and combat depression with hard exercise and sunshine. I've rode over 30 miles in the last three days, but none today. Today was spent indoors furiously typing away on freelance work that I was behind on. I'm thankful for the work, but freelance work has been taking over. What I mean is that I'm not spending any time working on my own book which desperately needs the fifth draft to be completed. It seems the faster I get, the more freelance work I have time to do. That's a good thing. Money is good. However, I'm not planning my time correctly, and not leaving time for my own pursuits. My book isn't going to write itself, and I'll need to squeeze even more open slots into my busy schedule if I want to make time for writing fiction.

In the past week I've written 13 articles, about 8000 words, which is the most I've written in quite some time. Considering that I'm dealing with depression, ADHD, and a tic disorder, I'm doing alright. However, some of the professionals that I admire bang out 2000 or more words per day. They are machines. I may never match their output, but if I want to make a living writing, I need to be better at managing my time.

Money has been so tight lately, however, which hasn't helped my depression. Or my sleep. In fact, the lack of money has driven me to seek more freelance work. This is why I haven't been working on my suicide prevention book for the entire month of May. I've also canceled several social events in order to work. I'm cooped up and in need of a break. That's why today was so hard. I really needed to get out of the house and just walk to burn off some energy, but the work was due and I had to do it. I'm not complaining, but it has contributed to my stress. So I'm going out for a walk right now. It's 2:42 AM and really, really late, but there's no sleep happening until I finish this walk.

A storm blew through earlier, and I hardly paid it any attention. I was too busy working. Now the sky is clear, and there's a nice breeze in the air. I'll throw on a jacket, and take a mild walk. I won't go far, but it will be calming for my soul. When combating depression, we need to give our minds a rest the way we give our bodies a rest from physical exertion. Sometimes life can just press down upon us. It presses down on everyone, but those with depression seem to feel it more acutely, or at the very least are affected by it more severely. So here's to calm breezes and stress-free ambulation.

And then I will be back to freelance writing in the morning. My book may not write itself, but my bills won't pay themselves either.


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