A Splintered Mind

Read in the Science Daily the other day that Doctors are more likely to prescribe the medications a patient wants if the patient has seen the ad on TV. So all those annoying ads where you were told to ask your doctor about the purple pill worked. Simply amazing. It is my opinion that most doctors aren't negligent, but they are overwhelmed by the onslaught of new drugs crossing over their desks every day. It doesn't surprise me that they are more likely to respond to patient requests in this manner. Maybe they are even relieved. Would YOU want to keep up with all those melodicly named meds and their lists of cures and longer lists of ills? Most doctors respond to any patients request when the patient seems to know what they want. They are busy people and an informed patient makes their job easier, especially when the HMO has the nurses standing outside the door with a stopwatch. "You have 90 seconds to cure this man. Go! Go! GO!" "Hey, doc! I saw this ad...

I was going to write about Chronic Motor Tic Disorder and how it relates to Insomnia but I thought I'd save that for next week and write about Depression and Insomnia instead. It is a different style of blog entry for me. I would normally go back and edit it by peppering it with humor, but I'm sick as a dog today. Any attempts at humor would fail miserably. However, it is very real and lets you inside my thinking process. For that reason alone I believe the entry has merit. Post a comment. Let me know if you agree with me or not. When one suffers from depression, one's outlook on life tends to be skewed. Events seem bleak and insurmountable. Sometimes events can trigger an episode of depression. Sometimes depression seems to simply happen, like changes in the weather. Not everything that happens to me is a depression inducing trauma, but sometimes life feels like it. These days I am more likely to cope with the problem and move beyond it without incident than let it sti...

I'm still working on my next big blog entry, but my wife laughed at me tonight which has filled me with such bloggy angst that I felt compelled to bare my soul and share its ugliness with you. OK, she didn't laugh at me that hard. But it's still worth sharing if you have the stomach for it. I usually have bad luck, but I don't let it get me down. I just let out a stream of sarcastic comments to deal with the punches life throws at me. You could almost say that I've become pretty good at giving a running commentary on my life as it unfolds before me ala Mystery Science Theater 3000 . My humor tends to run black, but some of the quips are funny and generally entertaining for those around me. So tonight I thought I'd fix up some udon noodles for an evening snack. Set out package, find pan, walk to sink - pretty normal. But after I filled the pan with water I noticed that the bottom of the cup felt gritty. A quick look revealed black, clumpy specks all ove...

The repair estimate for my camcorder came in today. Would you believe they want $167 to eject a cassette? My mind is still spinning. The estimate is so ridiculous that I'm actually laughing out loud. I'd have to be insane to pay them that much. Since I bought my Canon ZR70MC the prices for such toys fell through the roof. I can get a Canon ZR200 for $369 at Amazon.com. It shoots in widescreen format and can function as an analog to DV passthru converter, plus it would have a warranty. I pay $167 and I get an old camcorder refurb with no warranty. All because the silly camcorder pooped out on me one week after it's warranty expired. No, thank you. Other updates: The MIDI keyboard we purchased at Christmas has four dead keys. Took me two weeks of phone tag to get a Return Authorization number. That was fun. Palm wanted to bill me for that extra Zire72 they mailed me by accident. That was fun. Qwest forgot to reinstate my static IP address after rudely disconnec...

For the past month I've focused on my bad luck and the difficulties those with neurological disabilities have in getting understanding from others. Since I have no ready solution to make bad luck or "insensitive clods" go away, let's ignore them for the moment. Something much more entertaining happened to me the other week that I wanted to focus on instead. From time to time I get myself into trouble when talking to people and it's never something specific I could stop doing. It's not like I had a habit of punching people in the nose whenever I asked them a question or squawking like a parrot whenever they tried to speak . Those would be simple problems to correct, usually with duct tape applied to the appropriate body parts. This was a problem beyond the normal scope of talking with people who weren't quite listening, or who were too full of their own opinions to make good conversation. This was a problem that was quirky and hard to identify in that a...

I'm an addict. I love reading. Sometimes, though, it is not often simply a joy. There is a drive to the consumption of letters that causes me to read on. If I have visited all my daily haunts, there is a moment where I wonder "Bummer, what else can I read now?" I am not sated. My thirst is not slaked. I am thirsty for even more new information - and hence I have become a serious news junky. The web simply cannot publish enough news about computers or politics. And yet there is so much other material I'd like to read. So much I'd like to learn that I'm not learning. Why aren't I driven to study Spanish or Japanese? Why aren't I driven to read more productive tutorials online? Why aren't I driven to sit at my desk and draw and create new works at a similar frenetic rate? As I continue to take charge of my life away from my disabilities these are the types of questions I demand answers for. My wife came home last week all excited ab...

Depression after success. Sounds like an oxymoron, doesn't it? For me, this is almost the most annoying aspect of ADD, second only to my kids and I are really enjoying American Idol this year. We're big Carrie Underwood fans. And yes, I changed the subject on purpose. ;) This time it was controlled and exaggerated, but most of the time ADD takes me for a ride and I don't realize I've boarded the train until long after I've left whatever I was supposed to be doing far behind me. That aspect of ADD is annoying and disruptive enough, but getting sad because I did well!?! What is up with that? There are better descriptions of the phenomenon in Edward M. Hallowell's and John J. Ratey's book, Driven to Distraction, but here's a my simple explanation. With ADD, focus is always an issue. When I manage to get myself engrossed with a project, I enter a new zone of focus — of hyperfocus. Finally, I have clarity. Finally, I have purpose. Finally, I am ...