Friday, February 27, 2009

Vainglorious Tomfoolery & Other Distractions

Often I keep my depression at bay with a heavy dose of silliness.

You may have noticed.

I realize that I take a hit in the respect department, but it's my life and it works and it's a whole heckuvva lot better than moping about wanting to die. This is probably why I've been enjoying playing around over at It's a veritable Logan's Run where I am the antediluvian aberration in a very young arena, but the community is so creative with their self-portraits that I find it uplifting as well as inspiring.

I could write a blog like other depressives I've come across. Sadness can in point of fact feed the muse. If I were to give in to such urges, it might sound like this:

Friday, February 27, 2009 11:49:56 AM

Blackness envelops me with it's comforting embrace.
Shirts, pants, socks all dark as night.
I paint my eyes with the color of my anger.
Die, world! Die!
I hate you all.

Grawlix, I need my meds…

Fortunately, I decided long ago that I'd rather just take a goofy picture and move on.

That's not to say that I don't struggle. Some days can be harder than others. Take the last dozen or so. The ticking has been out of control. Consequently, my productivity has been disasterous. I alluded to it the other day. However, I choose to keep upbeat as best I can. There's not really anything I can do about it, is there? Besides, as new reader Kat pointed out:

I would bet that if you looked at your Really Important goals--kids fed & taxi'd, homeschool done--you'd find you really did get a lot done this month.

She was right. I had forgotten the biggest goal I had accomplished this month: turning my sleep schedule around. I had also discounted all the little things I do each day, such as tending to the girls, feeding them, putting out their fires, etc. Funny how we do that when we have our eyes set on the prize.

Still, staying positive is often a difficult task when Depression settles in, such as today. I began the day in high hopes. This was the day my wife was going to watch the kids so I could make a heroic stab at finishing my writing goals for the month. I'd leave the house and go to a café somewhere and get busy. But there was a Discussion, and, after I was ready for the day, there was a two and a half hour errand. Finally, devoid of dinner filling my jiggly bits, I settled in to work at the local Barnes & Noble feeling not a little bit dejected.

Now I can finally dive into the picture book manuscript I've been rewriting and fix the problems I think are preventing the story from getting published. And hey, it's only 8pm! Whoohoo!

But there I go sounding negative again. Time for a another silly picture.

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