A Moment of Sunlight
Yesterday was conquered by fatigue and Tourettes. I didn’t get much accomplished aside from taking care of my daughter, which left me feeling a tad discouraged since I had just written in my journal before going to sleep about what an awesome day it was going to be. Still, all was not bad. For example, dealing with my daughter is a joy as it gives my life purpose. There was something else that brought a smile to my stressed out face, however.
My daughter is autistic and learning disabled, and we work with a service that provides in-home therapy. They teach her coping and life skills. Today, she had a new therapist. There is an uncomfortable period, as you can imagine, when a stranger enters one’s home, but we’re used to this routine, so we make jokes and idle chitchat as we try to quickly establish a professional rapport. I was fully present for a while, but then I began a Tourettes episode and retired to my room to wait it out in private.
Later, my daughter barged into my room and brought the therapist with her, who hung awkwardly by the door. This, too, is something that I am used to, though it’s not a favorite moment. I do wish my daughter had more social awareness, but life is what it is, and we adapt. After answering their question, I felt I needed to explain the difference in my behavior and gave her a bit of info on my condition. When I explained that the day hadn’t quite gone as planned since I needed to pay the car loan and run an errand, she asked if those errands could be taken care of tomorrow. They could, I explained, but I don’t like to leave the car payment to the last minute because of this very reason: I don’t drive when ticking and the payment was due in two days.
I explained that leaving the car payment to the last day is stressful because I don’t know if I’ll be ticking that day or not. “And if you get stressed out, you’ll tic more,” she finished for me.
I don’t often meet people who understand the impact Tourettes has on my life, but she did. Angel choirs from heaven, a shaft of golden light, a great peace in my heart… All such images came to mind. Not many people understand this aspect of Tourettes—that stress can induce or exacerbate ticking. I thanked her for her understanding, and they left my room.
Compared to the often unkind treatment I receive from others who see my inconsistency as a personal failing, I am grateful for those who are able to see beyond the inconvenience my condition may cause and perhaps see what I struggle with, even in part. I know I extend similar empathy to my children, but do I give others the same kindness? I’d like to believe that I do, but perhaps only to the kind ones. I have a hard time with rude, drive by jerks.
This therapist had been instructed by her mother to have empathy for a girl with Tourettes when she was young. This was a lesson she carried into her adulthood. Good job, Mom! On a day when I was dangerously close to berating myself for things I had no control over, this therapist’s kindness corrected the course my attitude was taking. I can only hope I educated my children in as positive a manner.
